


WaynesIRL

by forever122



Series: Waynes & Batfamily MeTube Channels [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Alfred Pennyworth is the Best, Bruce Wayne Tries, Cheesed Challenge, Coffee Lover Tim Drake, Coffee Mug Collection, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Egg Roulette, Floor is Lava, Gen, Gingerbread Houses, How Do I Tag, I'm Bad At Tagging, Interactive, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Planking, Reading Your Comments, Sledding, Tim Drake Needs a Break, We die like Jason Todd totally did, YouTube, but we love him anyway, floor is lava challenge, sick day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21542497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forever122/pseuds/forever122
Summary: After recieving a challenge in the form of a MeTube video, the Wayne children create a MeTube channel or their own, WaynesIRL to answer said challenge. Slowly, more and more challenges are sent their way and more and more videos go up. Along with the challenge videos, are video snippets of their day to day lives.Recommended Video:Damian’s Interesting Sick DayThumbnail: Damian is squatting outside in his pajamas, looking at something in the snow as a black great dane waits patiently inside.
Relationships: Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth & Damian Wayne, Alfred the Cat & Damian Wayne, Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Bruce Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Damian Wayne, Cassandra Cain & Dick Grayson, Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake, Dick Grayson & Alfred Pennyworth, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Everyone & Everyone, Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Dick Grayson, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Alfred Pennyworth, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Alfred Pennyworth & Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Titus the Dog & Damian Wayne, what is the best way to tag many platonic relationships?
Series: Waynes & Batfamily MeTube Channels [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586272
Comments: 237
Kudos: 574





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. My first work in this fandom. First work on this site. Extremely nervous. Meant to serve as a bit of a character study for me so I can make sure I have their characters right. Please tell me if you think there is anything for me to improve upon. Also, haven't written in awhile so I may be a bit rusty. Not my usual formatting either. Wasn't quite sure what type of formatting to use, but I tried my best. I appreciate feedback!

_"Ahhhhh!!!" the girl on screen screeched as she was doused with ice water from a deck above._

  
_"Oh god, oh god, oh god!" she hopped from foot to foot. The person holding the camera was trying to hold back their chuckles. The camera shifted up to the porch where it showed a guy with a bucket giving the camera a huge grin and a thumbs up before quickly switching back to the shivering girl._

  
"Is there a point to this, Grayson?" Damian asks as he stares dully at the phone.

  
"Just keep watching." Dick encouraged excitedly. Tim didn't like where it looked like this was going.

  
_"I-I'm nominating s-some people from my home town of G-Gotham. I nominate Br-Bruce Wayne, R-Richard Grayson, a-and Tim D-Drake for the Ice Bucket challenge. I have also donated two thou-thousand dollars to the ALS ch-charity." A phone is shoved in front of the screen showing proof of the transaction, any important information having been blacked out._

  
_"Spread this video so we can get it to them!" The boy from above called. The camera switched back to him. "And don't forget to check out my channel, linked in the info card, for my Ice Bucket challenge where I nominated Mel here for the same challenge."_

  
_The camera was pulled back down to the girl standing right in front of the camera, only her face and soaking pinkish red hair visible. "If you are able to, p-please donate to help with ALS. Their website where you can d-donate will be in the descri-description bar below. You are under no pressure to-to donate, but if you are able to, that'd be gr-great. Until next time, guys, this is Mel, sig-signing off." The girl saluted and the video ended._

  
The room was silent for all of four seconds.

  
"I still do not understand the purpose of you forcing us to watch this video, Grayson." Damian scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. Tim let out a defeated sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

  
"It means that Dick wants us to do the same thing that girl did since she nominated us."

  
"Tt. That is ridiculous. We do not even know that ha-woman" Damian was quickly quelled by a look from Dick.

  
"You weren't even nominated, Demon. You've got nothing to complain about." Tim huffed as he plopped down on the couch. Ignoring Damian's protests and screeches, he turned his full attention to Dick.

  
"Just tell me when and where so I can get this over with."


	2. ALS Ice Bucket Chalenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!
> 
> Thumbnail: A laughing Dick chasing a murderous Damian with a hose chasing a laughing Tim while Bruce looks on from the side, looking completely done, wrapped in a towel with Alfred by his side.
> 
> Posted on: November 25, 2019

"Okay! I think I got this set up right." A young man's face backs away from the screen a few feet before he stands proudly in front of the tripod, hands on his hips. He wears what looks to be a long-sleeved, black and blue, brand less workout compression shirt and a pair of loose basketball shorts.

  
"I'll go get Bruce." Comes the voice of a teenager as he comes into view briefly before disappearing again.

  
"I fail to see why I am needed here." A child is heard saying from off screen. The young man turns his head to address the kid.

  
"I need your help filling up the ice water buckets. Go fetch the hose."

  
"Tt. I am not a dog, Grayson." Grayson lets out a thank you in that direction before getting closer to the camera again.

  
"Yep! It's been a few years, but we finally got that message from the Metuber, Melanie Chellen, nominating Bruce, Timmy and I for the ice bucket challenge. I know it hasn't been a thing for awhile now, but we hadn't gotten the video until now and we're always down for donating to a good cause." Grayson strikes a classic thinking pose. "It's a bit odd that we didn't see the video until now. We usually hear about things like this pretty fast."

  
"Grayson! Stop blathering to yourself and assist in filling these buckets!" Grayson straightens up and walks a few paces back to where bags of ice can be seen.

  
"Bring the buckets over here." He directs, begging him over with a hand. Another small "Tt" can be heard as the small boy makes his way into view of the camera. The boy is wearing an oversized Nightwing hoodie with jeans. Grayson slings an arm around the child's shoulders and pulls him into his side.

  
"Release me," the boy demands with a deadpan look.

  
"I guess we should introduce ourselves." Grayson announces cheerily. The kid looks up at him with a scowl.

  
"Tt. I see no need. If they do not know who we are, these people are obviously-" Grayson slaps his other hand over the boy's mouth.

  
"I'm Dick, and this is my youngest brother, Damian. Ow!" Dick quickly retracts his hand from Damian's mouth and releases the boy.

  
"Damian! Did you bite me?!" Dick inspects his hand.

  
"I told you to release me."

  
"Damian, what did I say about biting your brothers?" A large man asks sternly as he walks on screen and ends up blocking Damian.

  
"Not to." Is the monotone response that is heard.

  
"It's fine, Bruce. No real harm done." Dick says, walking off screen. Bruce lifts a hand to his face and lets out a sigh.

  
"Go apologize to your brother for biting him and then wait by the faucet of the hose for my signal." He points in the direction that Dick went. Damian stomps off with a huff just as a teenager appears on the screen with a thermos in one hand.

  
"What did the Demon Spawn do now?" he asks as he stops beside Bruce, side to the camera. The man lets out a second sigh and his hand drops back to his side.

  
"He bit Dick," he turns to face the teen. "Don't call your brother names."

  
"Huh. I thought we had moved past biting last week." The teen in a black, long-sleeved, compression workout shirt and sweats says, taking a sip from his thermos.

  
"I heard that Drake!" came a high-pitched yell from off-screen.

  
"Go apologize to Dick!" Bruce yells back, a hand cupped to his mouth. Drake shifts his weight to one foot.

"Help me fill up these buckets with ice so we can be warm again quickly" Bruce instructs. Drake sets his thermos down near the tripod and returns back to Bruce's side, where the man can be seen ripping open a bag of ice in a loose black t-shirt and jeans. It remains silent as the two filled up the buckets with ice for another minute. The camera begins zooming in on the two, showcasing Bruce's large and muscular frame alongside Drake's slender and slightly muscled frame.

  
"Are you going to stand there, or are you going to help, Dick?" Drake asks.

  
"You guys got it. You're almost done, anyway. Almost ready, Dami!" Dick says from somewhere behind the camera.

  
"Remind me why we have to do this now, in the middle of November, instead of waiting until it's warmer outside?" Bruce asks as he set the last of the ice bags aside.

  
"We would have all forgotten about it by then! This way, it get's done!" Dick makes his way back on screen and begins lining up six buckets of ice in a perfect row.

  
"You know he's right. You can't deny he's right." Drake states, approaching the camera and coming back up with his thermos. Bruce is heard in the background telling Damian to turn on the hose. Drake pauses, thermos tipped back, side-eyeing the camera. He quickly lowers the thermos and steps closer to the screen, eyebrows scrunched together.

  
"Dick?" he calls, looking like he's inspecting something.

  
"Yeah?"

  
"Did you turn the camera on?" a hand reaches out to fiddle with said camera.

  
"Yeah, when I was by it a few minutes ago. Why?" Drake gives the camera an incredulous look.

  
"Uh huh. That's totally when you turned it on." Drake grumbles to himself, backing away from the camera.

  
"Well, you're in charge of editing this before posting it since this was your idea." He walks back towards the large buckets, the third one already being filled up. Dick is standing behind the buckets, fully facing the camera with Bruce to the left and Drake joining on the right.

  
"What?! I don't know anything about editing. Besides, this wasn't my idea, we were nominated! You can't say no to that!" Dick protests.

  
"Tt. If you hadn't come across the video, you wouldn't be wasting my time with this." Damian walks back on screen, shoving Drake out of the way to be beside Dick.

  
"Watch it, brat!" Drake growls, sneering at the kid.

  
"I am by far the superior one of us, so I get to stand beside Grayson." Damian replies with a haughty look of his own.

  
"Fine. I'll just stand next to Bruce." Damian instantly hops over to Bruce's side when Drake is making his way in front of the buckets.

  
"You can't have both spots!" Drake shouts, arms and thermos up in the air.

  
"Boys." Bruce cuts in harshly, just as Dick lets out a "Tim". Drake clenches his teeth and Damian shuts his mouth before letting any other scathing remarks out.

  
"Damian, you weren't nominated, so unless you want to get wet, I suggest standing to the side near the camera." Bruce informs the boy. Damian crosses his arms and marches over near the camera, half in frame and half out, while Drake returns to his spot near Dick.

  
"Alright!" Dick tosses the still running hose to the side. "So, this here is my little brother Timmy-" Dick pulls Timmy into his side.

  
"Tim," the teenager interjects.

  
"-and this is our dad, Bruce Wayne." Dick sets his unoccupied hand on Bruce's shoulder. "We were nominated by the MeTuber, Melanie Chellen, for the ALS Ice Bucket challenge a few years ago, but we never saw the video until earlier this week. How that happened, I don't know, but that's then and this is now. Tim, want to explain to the good people what ALS is?"

  
Tim sighs, shoving Dick off of him and taking another sip from his thermos. The teen has an easy smile on his face when the thermos comes down.

  
"ALS, or amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. In layman's terms, ALS is a nervous system disease that weakens muscles and impacts physical function. The ALS Association is working hard for a cure to the disease, and I am more than happy to donate to their organization. Preferably without getting doused in ice water outside when it's forty degrees Fahrenheit, about four and a half degrees Celsius, but no one can change Dick's mind when it's set on something."

  
"That being said, let's begin." Bruce has a smile of his own on his face as he calls Damian over and hands over his phone to the boy.

"Now, when I say the amount I donated, I want you to show the camera my phone, alright?" The man starts slipping out of his shoes, Tim doing the same.

  
"This has all your credit card information on it though, Father. It would be unwise to show people this."

  
"It'll be fine. We'll black it out later."

  
"Come take my phone, Dami!" Dick excitedly pushes his phone into Damian's hands, the boy letting out a quiet "Tt."

  
"Tim?" Bruce prompts from the tripod where he has placed his socks and shoes off screen.

  
"No way am I giving Demon my phone." Tim makes his way to the tripod, placing his shoes and thermos out of frame.

  
"Tim." Bruce states, no word for arguing in his voice.

  
"If I have to hand it over, I'm taking a screenshot of my donation and making it my lock screen."

  
"Atta boy, Timmy!" Dick claps him on the back, placing his own shoes down too.

  
"Whatever," comes the grumbled response.

  
"You have the towels, Alfred?" Bruce asks as he walks back to the buckets.

  
"Of course, Master Bruce. Along with hot chocolate inside for once this is over," comes an elderly British voice from nearby. Tim and Dick are quick to join Bruce at the buckets, one on either side.

  
"Thank you, Alfred." Bruce smiles at someone off screen. Tim and Dick share a look before each picking up a bucket and dumping the contents on an unprepared Bruce to the best of their ability considering the height difference. The man is instantly wiping water from his eyes and spitting out water.

  
"Now say how much you donated and nominate three more people!" Dick instructs, placing his bucket down on the grass.

  
"I have donated tw-tweny f-five thousand d-dollars to the ALS Asso-association." Bruce is briefly seen rubbing at his arms before a phone blocks the view. The camera takes a second or two to adjust, but as stated, the man donated twenty five thousand dollars, all vital credit car information blacked out.

  
"Now three more people!" Dick chimes in as the phone is removed from view.

  
"I d-don't thi-think-"

  
"Three more people, Bruce!" Dick sing songs, picking up another bucket.

  
"I nom-nomin-nominate- I nominate news reporter Vicki V-Vale, the ma-mayor of Gotham City Michael Akins, a-and my good friend Lu-Lucius Fox." Bruce bolts off the screen not seconds later, thanking Alfred for the towel.

  
"Really, Father?" Damian is heard from off-screen.

  
"It's ice water, Damian! It's so cold," was Bruce's reply.

  
"Tt."

  
"You ready, Timmy?" Dick asks. Tim takes a step away from the young man.

  
"I'd actually like to go last, if you don't mind."

  
"Trying to run away, Drake?" comes the off-screen comment form Damian.

  
"Not in your dreams, runt." Tim flashes a sharp smile in said boy's direction.

  
"Genes dictacte I shall be taller than you, Drake!" Damian starts making his way on screen before he is pulled back.

  
"Let's see how that pans out. You ready, Bruce?" Tim asks.

"I suppose I won't be getting warmer anytime soon," is heard as Bruce steps back into frame, towel less and dripping wet. He stops beside Dick and turns back to the camera, pushing his hair out of his eyes. His shirt is clinging to him, his jeans less so.

  
"Ready, Dick?" he asks with a smile.

  
"You bet I am!" Dick gives the bucket he has been holding to Bruce and stands with his feet together and arms at his sides.

  
"Ready!" he clenches his eyes shut just before water is dumped on him. He gasps and brushes his hair out of his face.

  
"I donated five thousand dollars of my own personal funds to the ALSA!" Dick is seen jumping in place before another phone is blocking the screen. Like before, it takes the screen a few seconds to adjust, but Dick hasn't stopped talking. If anything, the speed at which he is talking speeds up.

  
"I nominate my friends Barbra Gordon and Wallace West for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge!"

  
"That's only-" Tim is heard saying just as the phone is taken away.

  
"I also nominate the Red Hood for the ALS Ice Bucket challenge!" It takes a moment for the camera to readjust again, and by that time, Dick is standing between Bruce and Tim, bouncing on his feet, smile like he's the bird that caught the canary. Bruce is staring at Dick with his mouth slightly parted, Tim's jaw hanging open fully.

  
"You WHAT!?" Bruce starts before Dick is racing at the camera shouting, "Towel!", repeatedly.

  
"Oh, sweet warmth! Did you warm up the towels before hand, Alfred?" Dick is heard off screen.

  
"Indeed I did, Master Dick."

  
"Aw, you're the best, Alf."

  
"Grayson. How many brain cells have you lost recently that makes you think nominating the Red Hood is a good idea?" Damian is heard saying as Bruce and Tim are seen having a hushed conversation behind the two remaining buckets.

  
"I only nominated him, Little D. It's up to him if he wants to take on the challenge."

  
"Why not nominate Batman or Nightwing or literally any other vigilante than the Red Hood?!" Tim cries, storming over and blocking half the screen with his side.

  
"Pretty sure any other vigilante would definitely take up the challenge, but I want to see if Red Hood will."

  
"Are you-" Damian is cut off my Bruce yelling at them to get back here so they can finish this. Tim moves and reveals a very stern looking Bruce Wayne behind him.

  
"We will be having words about this afterwards though, Dick." A dramatic sigh is heard as Dick makes his way back to the buckets. The wet workout compression shirt does nothing to hide Dick's muscles as his shirt clings to him. He and Bruce each pick up a bucket, Tim can be seen bracing himself in-between the two.

  
"Are you ready, Tim?" Bruce questions, a slight hesitancy in his voice.

  
"Do it." Tim states firmly. Not a second later, he is dripping in water. He quickly wipes the water out of his eyes and his hair out of the way as an elderly man in a suit presents him with a towel.

  
"Thank you, Alf. I donated ten th-thousand dollars to the ALS Association. D-Demon?" Tim quickly wraps himself up in a towel.

  
"Can we go one day without any name-calling in this house?" Bruce is heard asking. As a phone is shoved in front of the camera.

  
"Tt." As soon as the camera adjusts to prove Tim's donation, vital information again blacked out like the previous two, the phone disappears.

  
Both Bruce and Dick shout a brief "Damian!". Tim is seen smirking as he scoops up his phone and hands it over to Alfred. Bruce, Dick, and Damian have met half way between the camera and where the buckets were nicely lined up. Nothing can be made out of all the screaming. Tim approaches the camera with a smug smile.

  
"I would like to nominate Commissioner James Gordon of the GCPD, Clark Kent of the Daily Planet and..." Tim wanders out of frame and then back in, showing the camera a bucket full of ice water.

  
"Damian Wayne for the ALS Ice Bucket challenge." He quickly turns and in a few short strides he is dumping the bucket of ice water on Damian's head. Everything is still for not even half a minute before Dick places a tentative hand on Damian's shoulder.

  
"Dami? You okay th-"

  
"You are DEAD, Drake!" Tim quickly chucks the bucket and sprints out of view, Damian shortly there after.

  
"Boys!" Bruce calls. The three men turn around and watch as Damian picks up the hose and continues to chase Tim with it. They turn around to face the camera again as the younger two come around, and Dick joins in, chasing after Damian. Bruce places one arm over his chest and braces his other elbow on his palm, hand covering his eyes.

  
"Your towel, Master Bruce?" Alfred holds out said towel to Bruce and the man takes it after a shout from Tim.

  
"Thank you, Alfred."

  
"You are very welcome, sir."

  
"Get back here, Drake! You ignoramous, moronic-"

  
"I got you Dami!"

  
"Grayson! Release me so I may take my revenge on Drake!"

  
"Not today, Little D!" Alfred walks forward and the screen goes black.

* * *

(Insert ten seconds of black screen here)

  
The screen lights up with color, showing a close-up of Dick Grayson leaning back in an office chair, camera in hand above him.

  
"Hi! It's Dick! Figuring out how to set up a MeTube account and how to edit videos. Just wanted to let you know that Dami ended up donating a thousand of his savings to the ALSA. I'm so proud of him! Anyway, not sure if we'll do anymore videos, our lives tend to be pretty hectic, but if you guys want more, we could try to squeeze in some videos every now and than. Tell us in the comments below what you thought of our first video. Don't tell Timmy, but I think I'm just going to post this with minimal editing. Give you guys a feel for who the Waynes are in real life and not what gossip columns might tell you."

  
Dick's eyes perk up and he sits forward, grinning eagerly at the camera.

  
"Hey, that's an idea. Waynes In Real Life! That could be our channel name! Maybe WaynesIRL for short. Yeah, I like it! Well, this is Dick of the Wayne family, saying thanks for watching!"


	3. Where Do We Go from Here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PR disaster, or the beginning of something great?
> 
> November 26, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Any of you ever heard of The Red Hood Fan-series? No? They're this awesome group of batfamily fans and actors on YouTube that are creating an amazing film series based around Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin! The plot is amazing, and the actions scenes are amazingly coordinated. You should really check them out! They are currently trying to make a Season 3 need the fans' help to make it! They have a Kick starter set up and you get AWESOME merch for donating. They also give away other things when certain milestones are reached, such as Red Hood action figures, awesome posters, and more! Donating just $5 gets your name in the credits of every episode in Season 3! When you donate, you're entered to win even more cool prizes from them, doesn't matter how much you donate just so long as you've donated. Every little bit helps! Even if you can't donate to their Kick Starter, go check them out and spread the word about them! The Red Hood Fan-series is truly something you'll want to check out. You won't regret it!
> 
> Here's their YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq-0ZJeZQ99fS8CiF6nBlgg  
> A recent article on them too: https://www.tvovermind.com/the-red-hood-fan-series-season-3-allows-fans-to-help-out-on-kickstarter/

Dick's phone rang just as he was locking up his apartment to head to the precinct for the day. Fishing his phone out of his pants pocket with his right hand, he finished setting up the security measures with his left.

"Hel-" he began after swiping to accept the call and placing the phone to his ear.

"What have you done?!" interrupts him.

"Tim?" Dick's eyebrows lift in surprise as he turns away from his door and starts towards his car. "What's up? Something wrong?"

"Yes, something is wrong! Have you not seen the news today?!"

"No, I'm heading into work now. What has you so strung up, little bro?" he asks as he descends the stairs of his apartment complex.

"DON'T you 'little bro', me! It's your video that caused this PR disaster!" Tim's voice cracks slightly at the end.

"Tim. Just calm down and explain what's going on to me. I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You don't- Your MeTube video!"

"Our MeTube video. What's wrong with it? It only had a few views last time I checked."

"You didn't post the edited version that you showed Bruce and I to MeTube!"

"Did I not?" Dick inquired, pushing open the door to his apartment complex with a smirk.

"Don't act coy. In the video, you specifically said, 'Don't tell Tim that I'm not going to edit this'. And YOU showed Bruce and I an edited version before you were going to post it! We can't even take it down now because too many people have seen it." Dick can hear a car door opening and shutting on the other side of the phone.

"Why can't you take it down? The views were only at about fifty when I checked this morning. No one even commented on the video."

"Yeah? Well one of those viewers must have been Vicki Vale," Tim spits her name out with venom, "since she wrote an article about the channel and not it's all over the news this morning. About how the video gave an in depth look of who the Waynes are away from the cameras!"

"Is that such a bad thing?" Dick asks a bit meekly, reaching into his pocket for his car keys.

"It is when you've worked years to build up a certain reputation and appearance. NOW all that effort and respect have gone down the drain."

"Tim-" Dick tried, pausing next to his sterling grey, 2013 ford fusion.

"I'll call you back with the PR results." is heard before Tim hangs up on him. Dick stares at his phone for a few seconds before opening his car with his other hand. He gets in, locks the vehicle, and sets up his phone with the car's Bluetooth. He turns on the car, buckles up, and sits there, staring straight ahead.

"It couldn't have been that bad, right?" Dick wonders after a few moments of silence, "It's just us being ourselves. Maybe I'll check the video and the news on my lunch break." He puts the car in reverse before driving to work in silence.

Come lunchtime, Dick is sitting at his desk with his lunch spread out in front of him. A couple ham and cheese sandwiches, an apple and a bottle of water. He pops in a singular earbud and sets his phone on his desk, kickstand on the case open. MeTube is opened up and he goes to GCN, the Gotham City News channel. The most recent video is titled, "The Real Waynes?". Dick's eyebrows raise when he sees how many views the video has gotten in such a short time.

'As tempting as it is to watch it now, I should probably check in on our video quick.' Dick thinks, taking a bite of a sandwich. Using his unoccupied hand, he navigates MeTube until he reaches the video he posted. His raised eyebrows scrunch together and he leans in closer to the screen.

"That's odd," he murmurs, "The video has two-hundred fifty-eight views, thirty-eight likes, and no comments. With how many people watched the news video, I would have assumed-" The phone screen shifts to show an incoming call from "Timmy". Dick immediately snatches up his phone, leaves his lunch at his desk, and makes his way into the staff's locker room, excepting Timmy's call on the last ring as he opens the door.

"Hey, Tim!" he says into the phone, doing a quick sweep to make sure no one was in the room.

"Dick, you're on speaker. Bruce is here too." comes the reply from Tim. Dick leans up against a locker, legs crossed at the ankle.

"So, is it as big of a deal is you made it out to be earlier, Tim?" he crosses his left arm over his chest, resting the elbow of his right arm on his left wrist, phone up to his ear. He can hear Tim let out a grumble on the other side of the line.

"Our PR teams actually really like the idea of us having a MeTube channel showcasing ourselves." comes Bruce's tired voice. "We've even had three business proposals from companies we had been looking to partner with since the video came out."

"So, what I'm hearing is that Timmy owes me an apology for going all ham on me earlier?" Dick asks with a small smile on his face. He can hear Tim sigh across the phone.

"Look, I'm sorry, Dick. I panicked when I heard the news because we have been working on an important business proposal with an extremely strict company." Tim lets out another sigh. "Turns out, the CEO is very protective of his company because he inherited it from his father and is planning on giving the company to his daughter when she's ready. We sealed the deal an hour ago when he contacted us after seeing the video."

"The channel is a go, then?"

"PR is really pushing this, so as long as nothing that isn't supposed to be seen ends up online, then yes." comes Bruce's reply.

"Great! So where do we go from here?" Dick inquires, grin splitting his face.


	4. Update and Planking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update and Planking
> 
> Thumbnail: Dick Grayson is laying face down on top of a fridge.
> 
> Posted on: December 1, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am extremely happy to announce that Red Hood Fan Series reached their goal and will be able to do pretty much everything they wanted to for their Season 3. Go check their first two seasons out on YouTube! You won't regret it.

Dick Grayson’s face is super close to the screen before he pulls back, a dazzling grin on his face.

“Hey guys!” he waves a hand at the camera, the other holding said camera. “Just thought I’d do a short video to tell you that we’ll be doing more videos. We won’t all be in videos all the time, it all depends on who’s available and what we plan on doing. We’d love to hear from you guys on how we’re doing, so leave a comment in the comment section below. In fact, leave some questions down in the comment section, and we’ll do a Q&A session for our next video!” Dick’s face suddenly twists in displeasure.

“This will be way too short of a video if I just leave it here…”

* * *

The screen shows Dick laying face down on a kitchen island from an aerial view, hands at his sides and feet together. There is a time stamp in the upper left corner in white proclaiming, 11:33 am. The only way you can tell that time has sped up is that the time in the upper corner is going up by one each second. Time returns to normal at 11:44 am. An elderly gentleman walks into the kitchen, pauses briefly to look at Dick, before continuing to the fridge.

“A leftover turkey sandwich, Master Dick?” the man rifling through the fridge questions.

“Yes please, Alfred.” comes Dick’s slightly muffled voice. Alfred goes about making a sandwich on a different counter, cooking other things on the stove top. After three minutes, Dick pushes himself up from the counter and slips onto the floor. He makes his way to the fridge and opens it, pulling out a water bottle.

“Might I inquire as to what you were doing?” Alfred asks, stirring something on the stove.

“Planking.”

“I see.” he sets a plate with a sandwich down in front of a stool at the island.

“Thanks, Alfred.” Dick tells the man, sitting down in front of the food.

“Of course, Master Dick.” he goes back into the fridge and grabs more containers of food.

* * *

The corner of the screen shows 12:00pm. Alfred is washing dishes in the sink, Dick is planking on top of the refrigerator, and there are two plates of food and drink set out on the ends of the island. Less than a few seconds later, Damian walks into the kitchen. He pauses when he reaches the island, staring at Dick on top of the fridge.

“Grayson?” the boy questions. He steps around the island until he is in front of the fridge. His neck is craned back so he can look at Dick.

“Grayson. What are you doing?” it sounds more like a statement than a question. Dick doesn’t respond. Damian shifts around the fridge to the counter next to it. He places both hands on the edge of the counter and cranes his head to look up at Dick’s face.

“Grayson, respond.” he demands. Dick still doesn’t say anything. Damian let’s out a huff before stalking towards the stool nearest the doorway, taking a seat. He takes a bite of his own tofurkey sandwich and stares at Dick atop the fridge. After a couple minutes, Damian is done with his sandwich and moved onto his mashed potatoes.

“Pennyworth.” he states after a bite.

“Yes, Master Damian?” the man replies as he dries a dish.

“Is there something wrong with Grayson?” Dick himself twitches ever so slightly at the question. Alfred looks at the young man on top of the fridge for a few seconds before turning back to his work.

“As far as I know, he is perfectly healthy and of his usual mind.”

“Then what is he doing?” Damian asks, never once turning his attention away from the man atop the fridge.

“I have been informed that he is ‘planking’, as they say.” Alfred finishes drying the last dish.

“Planking? What does that mean?” Damian turns to face Alfred.

“Whatever it is that he is currently doing. If you’ll excuse me, Master Damian, Master Dick, your father has requested to eat in his study today.” Alfred takes a tray from the counter and exits the kitchen. Damian’s head followed Alfred as he left before turning his attention back to Dick.

“Grayson? Are you alright?” Damian inquires, brows slightly furrowed as he sets his spoon down on his plate. Not even ten seconds later, Tim walks in working away on a tablet. He sits down on the stool that is as far away from Damian as possible, so two chairs between them. The room becomes silent as Tim works with one hand and eats with the other, Damian also moving to continue eating. After a minute of silence, Damian speaks.

“Drake.”

“Demon.”

The silence returns, a moderate sense of tenseness appearing with it.

“Tell me what Grayson is doing.” Damian demands after a few seconds.

“He’s planking.” Tim responds without even looking up from Wayne Tablet.

“So I have been informed. However, that does not explain what he is doing.” Damian states with gritted teeth. Tim sighs before shoving the last bite of his turkey sandwich in his mouth.

“I told you, he’s planking. What more do you want from me?”

“For you to properly explain what Grayson is doing!” Damian finally turns in his chair to face Tim. Tim stands with his tablet and leaves the room. Damian let’s out a low growl, pushing his plate away and storming after Tim. Dick intentionally falls down from his planking position atop the fridge, smoothly landing on his feet on the ground.

“Huh. That went better than I thought it would.”

A faint crash and a yell comes from off screen. Dick cringes at the sound.

"I spoke to soon." He quickly runs out of the kitchen, screen going black after he exits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes, but we can't kudo more than once, so that's a bit of a bummer. I'm not entirely sure what "Bookmarking" means on AO3, so I don't know what it will mean yet.


	5. Cheesed Challenge on Damian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheesed Challenge on Damian
> 
> Thumbnail: Damian is facing the camera, mouth slightly agape with an orange cheese slice on his forehead.
> 
> Posted on: December 3, 2019

The screen is dark before a light turns on, illuminating the bedside lamp along with a bedraggled Timothy Wayne. His hair is sticking up every which way and there are dark bags under his eyes. He is loosely holding the camera with one hand and running the other through his hair as he lets out a yawn.

“It’s too early for this…” he groans, nearly falling back into bed. “Told Dick I’d do a video of _some_ kind though, so I guess I brought this on myself.”

* * *

Tim is sitting in front of red curtains, camera held out in front of him. He’s in a light blue button-up shirt, dark blue blazer and red tie. He stares straight at the camera as he takes a long sip from a large black coffee travel mug with a handle. It says in white, “Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice”. He lets out a content sigh before setting the travel mug down and picking up his phone.

“It is currently too early o’clock in the morning. I’m not usually up this early, but I have to get this started now. What, you may ask? You all probably know already, since you’ve seen the title of this video. In the meantime, though, I’ll answer a question or to from our last video. Let’s see…” His eyes dip down to his cell.

“We’ll save that one for when we have more time… Ah, Sarourat says, ‘The Waynes really do be vibing, huh’. Some of us vibe with each other more than others, Sarourat. And while your icon is adorable, I cannot condone the statement that murder is okay. We’ll do one more quick before I get started. Oh, this one is relevant to this.” Tim clears his throat.

“Rapidtiger123 says, ‘Another challenge video would be fun. Maybe even pranks’.” Tim’s eyes dart up to look at the camera, eyes slightly hidden by bangs. A mischievous smile finds its way to his face, one corner of his mouth slightly higher than the other.

“We’ll make sure we do some challenges when Dick visits again. As for pranks, who knows.”

“Good morning, Master Tim. Up early, I see.” a British voice comments from off screen. Tim sets his phone down and gives a small, slightly sheepish smile to the man off screen.

“Good morning, Alfred. Going to wake the sleeping dragon?” Tim pockets his phone and picks up his travel mug, taking a long sip from it again.

“Indeed, sir. Am I correct in assuming that waking Master Damian has something to do with why you are up and ready so early?”

“Yep.” Tim stands up and stretches his back. travel mug in hand and camera facing forward, the camera bobs slightly as Tim trails after the man.

“Should I be concerned for the manor?”

“No.”

“Should I prepare a first aid-kit?”

“Not if I pull this off perfectly.”

“And it has something to do with the processed dairy in your pocket?” Alfred stops in front of a door and turns around to face the camera.

“Yes.” There is silence for a few moments before the elderly gentleman sighs.

“As long as there is no injury to anyone and there is no property damage, you may proceed.”

“Thanks, Alfred. Just go about your day, I’m not even here.”

“That means no processed cheese or their wrappers left on the floor or furniture either.” Tim sets his travel mug on a table, along with the camera. There is the sound of rustling and then the crinkling of plastic. The camera is lifted and screen is filled with the scene of a slice of orange cheese on a hand.

“Alright, I’m ready.” Alfred is seen opening the door before treading inside. Tim follows silently, cheese hand in frame as the camera stays on Alfred. As soon as he enters the dark room, the camera is directed to a small bed with the shape of a human in it. Tim is a few steps away from the bed when Alfred opens the curtains.

“Good morn-” Alfred begins.

Tim quickly tosses the cheese at Damian’s head. Damian sits up in bed before Tim is booking it out of the room.

* * *

Damian is seated at an island counter, Bruce next to him in the seat closest to the door. The screen moves as Tim walks into the room and over to the coffee machine.

“And I always get a cup of coffee before I drive to work.” he says as he unscrews the top of his travel mug and places it under a nozzle before pressing a button

“Tim? What are you doing?” Bruce asks. Tim turns around and both Bruce and Damian stare at the camera. Bruce looks like he hasn’t fully woken up yet while Damian looks at the camera with disdain. They’re in the middle of eating breakfast, both in black robes.

“Dick asked me to make a video for the channel, so I decided to do a walkthrough of a usual day in my life.” Bruce gives a grunt and takes a sip from a black mug with a blue handprint on it sideways.

“How boring. No one will be entertained by something as trivial as your life.” Damian states with a sneer.

“Damian, we have been over this. You need to think about how you word-”

Tim turns back around to his coffee and sets the camera down. His hands can be seen screwing the top back on.

“But father, Drake is-”

Tim shifts his travel mug to be held in his left elbow as he reaches into a blazer pocket and removes a slice of orange cheese. His hands are then seen unwrapping it. He holds the cheese in his right hand, travel mug at his left elbow and camera in hand.

“Damian…” Bruce sighs out.

“Well, I’m heading into work now.” Tim says, turning around. Bruce squints his eyes at the random slice of cheese in his son’s hand while Damian’s eyes light up in recognition.

“It was y-” the elementary schooler proclaims, pointing at Tim.

“Have a great day at school, gremlin.” Tim tosses the cheese at Damian’s face. The cheese lands right on the boy’s forehead, causing him to pause. His mouth opens the slightest bit. Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes closed.

“Tim, why did you just-”

“See you at work, Bruce!” Tim jogs out of the kitchen and down a hall. At the end of said hall, a resounding yell of “Drake” can be heard.

* * *

A slice of orange cheese is being held in a hand. The camera pans around, showing a variety of cars around. It turns to the right and up, showing the window on a black car. A door opening and stomping is heard, followed by a door shutting and the sound of the car unlocking.

“Stupid Drake. Stupid cheese.” Damian is heard muttering, cut off by a car door opening and closing. There was the sound of another car door opening and closing followed shortly by the engine starting. Tim opens the car door he has been kneeling next to with his cheese hand, showing a surprised Damian right behind it. The boy looked a second away from attacking, but Tim tosses the cheese, a light sounding smack sound following before he slams the door shut and dashes to his own car running outside.

* * *

Tim is sitting at a desk, hands neatly clasped atop said desk. Papers are stacked neatly to the side, partially in frame. A package of sliced orange cheese sits next to it.

“As you’ve probably figured out, I have been cheesing Damian today as part of the cheesed challenge. I had no idea what to make for a video when Dick asked me to make one, so I decided to look up challenges. I started with challenges for good causes and somehow ended up on viral challenges. I needed something that I could do alone, but that would still be entertaining. And, well,” a satisfied smile makes itself seen on Tim’s face, “I would have to say this is pretty entertaining. Most of the videos I saw for the cheesed challenge were on babies and animals, a few other age groups thrown in the mix too. I don’t think throwing slices of cheese at babies or animals is the nicest thing, but Damian is neither a baby nor an animal, so he can handle it.” Tim leans back into his chair, slouching ever so slightly.

“I’d like to take this time to read some more of the comments and questions from our last video, since Dick said we would do a Q&A. We won’t do this too often, especially not every video, but I won’t go back on my word, even if it was originally Dick’s word.” Tim reaches off screen.

“I swear, I’m always picking up other peoples’ slack.” Tim is heard grumbling. He comes back on screen with his phone, smile plastered on.

“Okay. Here we go. Persephonebutkore asks, ‘What happened in the background? Are they hurt?’.” Tim stares at his phone for a few seconds, eyebrows scrunched in thought. Suddenly, his face lights up.

“Oh! You mean at the end of that video? With the crash? Yeah, Damian tried to tackle me but I side-stepped him and he toppled one of the antique vases over. Alfred wasn’t happy, but no one was hurt.” Tim shifts to sit slightly sideways in his chair.

“Denia’s blog says, ‘Auch! Timothy Wayne and Damian Wayne really don’t get along, has it always been like that?’.” Tim lifts his head to stare straight at the camera, a deadpan expression on his face.

“Since day one, Denia, since day one.” he turns back to his phone.

“Marinesnow says, ‘Bruce is a DadTM, who knew.’ Well…” Tim stares up at the ceiling.

“He tries, and that’s really all we can ask for. He doesn’t always know what to do, but he tries his best. I know it isn’t easy, parenting all of us,” Tim doesn’t speak for about ten seconds, continuing to stare at the ceiling before turning his attention back to his phone.

“Anyway, Bluesz says, ‘So. What about the floor is lava challenge?’. Already on the list. We’re probably going to give it a try this weekend, so look forward to that video. And probably more to follow if my gut is correct. A few more and then I have to get to a meeting…” Tim’s thumb flicks up on the screen a bit and then pauses. He lets out a snort followed by a chuckle.

“Scorpiusmalfoys asks, ‘Who the frick sheltered Damian Wayne so much he doesn’t know what planking is?’. He would have been only a toddler or a very young kid when planking was at its peak around 2012, 2013. He’s only eleven.” Tim begins chuckling again.

“Oh, that was a good question. Ahem, moving on. Milliondollarbum says, ‘Wonder why everyone calls Damian a demon, must have been a heck of a prankster when he was little, lol. Also, shoutout to Dick’s absolutely killer abs’. Damian? A prankster? If you can call shooting arrows at me and saying I was in the way of his target practice a prank, then yeah, a real prankster. I’ll make sure to pass your message to Dick, he’ll just be _thrilled_. As for calling him demon? It’s shorter than demon spawn, demon child or demon brat. I really have to get going now, I’ll try to answer other comments later if I can. If I don’t get to yours now, it will be gotten to eventually.”

* * *

There is a grey door centered on screen.

“Okay. Damian will be home any minute. I have the cheese ready,” a hand with cheese appears close to the screen, in front of the door, “and my car is parked around back instead of in the garage. I’m not usually home around this time, so he shouldn’t expect a thing.”

The sound of a garage door opening is heard. The hand disappears from the screen. A car door is heard slamming shut. The door shifts in frame slightly before settling again. Nothing moves and all is silent for seven seconds. The doorknob is turning on the door. It opens to reveal Damian, looking over his shoulder back into the garage.

“-can’t tell the difference-”

The cheese is launched and hits Damian on his ear before falling onto the shoulder of his puffy winter jacket. Tim runs before Damian can fully process he is there.

* * *

The screen is a nice tan color. 'Five Minutes Later' flashes on the screen in black for a few seconds before fading away. The tan shifts to the right ever so slowly, revealing the kitchen. There is a sliver of tan sill left on the right. Damian sits at the island on the stool closest to the door, backpack on the floor beside him. A large black dane also sat at the boy’s feet. Damian has a plate with something on it in front of him that he munches on. Alfred is preparing tea by the stove.

Tim steps into the kitchen, Damian and the dog immediately snapping their heads in his direction. Damian tenses up while the dog wags his tail, tongue lolling out of its mouth.

“I will not-” Damian is interrupted when Tim chucks a slice of cheese at him, which he dodges. The dog follows the cheese and eats it off the floor where it landed. Damian is distracted by the dog, and Tim chucks another slice of cheese, in it’s wrapper at Damian. This one hits the boy on the back of the head and then falls to the ground. Damian whirls around and gives a heated glare. The dog then tries to eat the wrapped cheese that had fallen to the ground.

“Titus! Stop! You cannot consume that!” Damian’s eyes widen and he hops off the chair to the floor.

* * *

An empty black couch is out of focus before going in focus.

“There.” is heard from elsewhere. Tim walks on screen and sits down on the edge of the couch in grey sweatpants and an oversized black t-shirt proclaiming, Life Would Be Easier If I Had The Source Code. His legs are slightly spread apart and he has an elbow on each one, hands clasped together with his chin atop them.

“So, Titus is fine. We got the wrapped cheese out of his mouth. Damian wasn’t happy though. Less happy than he was about me throwing cheese at him.” Tim leans back and crosses one leg over the other, sweatpants riding up a little to show a bit of ankle. A Nightwing sock is on his foot. His arms are crossed over his stomach.

“I was planning on cheesing him more later on, a lot more, but I had to call an end to it there. I’m pretty sure Damian would have attacked if I did it again.” he says to the ceiling. He turns his attention back to the camera, a small smile on his face.

“He almost did attack me after we made sure Titus was okay, but Alfred was there. You don’t want to fight in front of Alfred. So, here I am,” he gestures to the room at large, “back in my own apartment. I think there was one more comment I had to answer, so we’ll do that real quick.”

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and unlocks it. His thumb glides over the screen for a little bit before stopping.

“Okay, Ima reader not a writer. Let’s see what you had to say.” Tim clears his throat and hold his phone up so he can switch between looking at it and the camera.

“They asked, ‘What’s the worst fight Tim and Damian have ever gotten in?’ To be honest, we’ve had so many fights, it would take me too long to sift through them all and pinpoint the absolute worst one we’ve had. You also asked, ‘What’s your most commonly used nicknames and why do you use them?’ That’s a really good question. One I think would best be answered when all of us are together. We’ll make sure your question is answered though, don’t worry.”

“The last thing Ima a reader not a writer asks is, ‘What’s planking? Also, I request you do the mannequin challenge.’ Mannequin challenge is on the list and will eventually get done. With the holidays coming up, we’re probably going to be doing a lot of winter activities on the channel. And planking is an activity consisting of lying in a face down position, sometimes in an unusual or incongruous location. The palms of the hands are typically touching the sides of the body and the toes are typically touching the ground. That’s all for this video. Dick said Damian is also supposed to do one this week before he arrives Friday, so another video will probably be out soon. Remember, we won't read comments every video. We'll probably do videos dedicated to comments every now and then. Thanks for watching!” He gives a small wave to the camera.

* * *

Tim is seen sitting in a desk chair with a large smile before the camera is turned and shows Damian’s shocked face with a slice of cheese on it on a computer screen.

“So worth it.”


	6. Reading Your Comments 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reading Your Comments 1
> 
> Thumbnail: There is a white background, a picture of Tim pointing a half eaten hard boiled egg off screen, tilted slightly diagonally, taking up the entire left side. In the upper right quarter of the screen, a smiling Dick is hugging a resigned Damian on a brown couch. In the lower right hand corner, written in black, is, “Reading Your Comments 1”.
> 
> Posted on: December 7th, 2019

Damian, Dick, and Tim are all seated on a large brown couch. Tim is struggling to get away from Dick who is tugging him closer in grey sweatpants and a long sleeved black shirt. Damian sits curled up in the opposite corner of the couch, watching the spectacle in black dress pants and a black turtleneck, a notebook of some kind clutched in his hands. Dick seems to be using a strange mix of hugging and wrestling to get Tim to sit closer to him. Dick has on jeans and a blue flannel with a white shirt underneath.

“I can answer questions just fine from the other side of the couch, Dick, I don’t need to be right next to you!” Tim says, struggling against Dick. Dick suddenly lets go and Tim scurries to the corner of the couch that is not occupied. Dick stares intensely at Tim for a solid half a minute, Tim staring defiantly back.

“Are you boys ready yet?” a feminine voice asks from off camera. Dick’s head whips in that direction.

“Give me just a minute, Steph.”

“You get half a minute. I wanna play the floor is lava.” she says back. Dick jumps into action, snagging Damian by the ankles.

“Grayson!” he screeches, sliding down onto his back on the couch. He lashes out with a black clad socked foot, aiming for Dick’s face. Dick dodges and manages to get a grip on one of Damian’s biceps, hauling him up to a seated position before turning him. Dick wraps his arms around Damian’s torso, the kid’s back to his chest.

“Grayson!” The man then proceeds to jump/scoot towards Tim until he is almost on top of the teenager seconds later.

“Dick!” Tim protests, pushing at the man who is squashing him. Dick gives a large, radiant smile to the camera, completely ignoring the two boys complaining and pushing at him.

“Okay! We’re ready!”

“Dick, you’re squishing me!”

“Tt. I will not sit on your lap, Grayson!”

Dick squeezes Damian and shifts on top of Tim, both letting out “oomphs”.

There is laughter from off screen, the feminine one most likely being Steph, but there is also a deep, slightly gravely laugh alongside it.

“Well, look at you, three peas in a pod.” the masculine voice teases.

“Shut up!” Damian shouts.

“Alright, alright! I’ll sit next to you if you just get off me!” Tim cries out, looking like he is slowly becoming one with the couch. Dick immediately hops off of Tim and sits right next to him side by side.

“You’re still too close, Dick.” Tim shoves at Dick with his shoulder.

“I will bite you if you do not release me from your lap, Grayson.” Damian growls, managing to elbow Tim in his side.

* * *

Tim is tucked into the corner of the couch, arms crossed over his chest and scowling. Damian is mirroring Tim on the other side of Dick, no notebook in sight. The man himself sits proudly between the two.

“Okay, the first one is from Ima reader not a writer. They are wondering, ‘ What’s your most commonly used nicknames and why do you use them?’.” Steph asks from off screen.

“Welllll,” Dick throws an arm around Damian, the boy not showing any reaction “I call Damian here Little D, since my name also starts with D and I’m older.” There is a snort from off screen.

“But, I usually call him Dami, a shorter, and cuter, version of his name to match my cute little brother.” Dick throws his other arm around Damian, trapping the boy in a hug. Tim rolls his eyes.

“I am not cute, Grayson!” Damian squirms in the hug slightly before giving in. After a few seconds of Dick hugging a resigned Damian, Tim pipes up.

“The humanoid that Dick is trying to consume is Demon. Or Demon Spawn. Or Demon Child.” Tim states, face pretty blank.

“Don’t forget Demon Brat.” the man off-screen pipes in.

“Thanks J-” Tim started, a smirk on his face.

“No one asked you-” Damian cut off Tim, only to be cut off himself by Dick snaking a hand over the boy’s mouth. Damian is glaring at Dick, his speech muffled.

“As for why, he fits every description of the word.” Tim sends a sneer in Damian’s direction. Damian tries to lunge for him, but is stuck in his eldest brother’s hold. Dick looks over his shoulder at Tim.

“Timmy, that’s mean.” Dick admonishes. Tim glares at the man before looking in the opposite direction. A low whistle comes from off-screen.

“Favorites much, Dickie?” the man asks, amusement evident in his voice. 

“Ah, hey, Steph!” is followed shortly after, followed by a door shutting.

“Hopefully Alfred will keep him busy in the kitchen for now. Hurry it up, boys.” Stephanie remarks.

“Tt. I do not use nicknames.” Damian spits the last word, as if it had personally offended him.

“Then why do you call everyone by their last name?” Stephanie asks.

“That is none of your business, or anyone else’s for that matter.” Damian sinks into Dick’s embrace, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. Dick gives a happy hum and a hair ruffle before switching over to Tim, giving him a strong hug. Tim lets out a deep, put-upon sigh.

“As for my other, wonderful little brother, I usually call him Timmy.” Dick seems very pleased with himself.

“And I ask you not to call me that.” Tim remarks. He suddenly looks straight at the camera, a purposeful look on his face. The screen is quickly filled only by Tim’s face. “Also,  I see the discussions you’re having in the comments. My name is Tim, not Timmy. Also, I’m not small! I’m 5’6” and still growing.” Dick snickers as the camera zooms back out to show all three boys.

“Thanks for that, Tim.” Dick ruffles the boy’s hair, only to be swatted away by Tim.

“You’re just embarrassing yourself, Drake. Are you that delusional to think you are still growing?” Damian remarks cruelly.

“If you want someone to call small, it's Damian. He’s 4’6”.” Tim shoves Dick off of him.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re both in the tenth percentile, making you tiny compared to your peers, we get it. Hurry. It. Up.” Steph claps to emphasize the last three words.

"I am not tiny!" Damian protests.

“I don’t really use nicknames for Dick. Next question.” Tim says.

“Alright! These next few come from the cheese video Tim made.” Steph states. Damian bristles at the mention of said video. Dick wraps an arm around Damian’s shoulders, pulling the boy into his side.

“Lynx22 says, ‘This is so funny.’ Denia’s Blog says, ‘Haha, I have a little brother too, we're not as conflicted as Timmy and Damian Wayne, but I'd like to do that so he won't wake me up again at midnight. Great video.’.”  Damian’s mouth screws up into a cute little pout. Tim looks proud of himself and crosses one leg over the other on the couch. Dick lets out a huff of laughter before rubbing a hand up and down Damian’s far arm.

“ErinlynnDoblecolor says, ‘ Ohhhhhh that was so funny!!!! Poor Damian.’. I’ve gotta agree, your cheese challenge was pretty funny, Tim.” Stephanie admits. Damian looks angrier with each comment. Dick looks down at him and gives him a nice side squeeze.

“Don’t be too upset, Damian. It was all in good fun.” Dick reassures. Damian tilts his head back and stares up at Dick.

“Thank you, Lynx22 and Denia’s Blog. It took a fair amount of planning and effort.” Tim smiles.

“All in good fun? Grayson, you do not seem to understand the severity of the situation. My reputation has been tarnished by this, “all in good fun”.” Damian states with a straight face.

“Sarourat says, ‘Anyone else concerned about the ungodly amount of coffee consumed by him? Boi, you need to sleep once in a while.’.” Stephanie cracks up laughing at the end. Dick ends up joining too. Tim’s smile is wiped off his face and replaced with disbelief. Damian has the beginning of a smile on his face.

“I don’t drink  _ that  _ much coffee. And I  _ sleep _ !” Tim stands in indignation.

“Yeah, it’s not like coffee is your life blood, or anything.” Stephanie manages to say before going back to cackling. As Stephanie continues to cackle, Dick seems to be coming down.

“I-I’m just impressed they picked it up in three videos!” Dick goes back to laughing, curling slightly around Damian, who seems to let out a little huff of laughter himself.

“Even someone who has never met you can pick up on how much a mess of a human being you are, Drake.” Damian comments.

Tim walks to the camera. All that can be seen is darkness for a second before the Dick curled around Damian appears. Dick is still laughing and Damian is smirking. The camera pans over and there is a blonde female on the floor. She is slamming a fist into the carpet and attempting to smother her laughter in a pillow. Her other hand tightly grips a cell phone. The camera turns again, only for a mopey Tim to appear on screen, arms length away.

“Look at them, making fun of me. All ganging up on me. I can see when I’m not wanted. Come on, we’re going to the kitchen, where at least Alfred won’t make fun of me.”

* * *

Tim is seated at a familiar counter top, in a familiar stool, eating a not so familiar boiled egg. Sitting on said counter is a white mug reading, “Keep Calm.” There is a heart monitor showing spikes before it flat lines. “Not That Calm” is written underneath it.

“You really do have a problem, Timbers. Also, is that one of my mugs?” the deep, gravelly voice from earlier says from off-screen. Tim swallows whatever is in his mouth.

“I do not have a problem. I drink an appropriate amount of coffee.” Tim takes a sip from the mug, eyes daring the speaker to say something.

“Have you and your brothers wrapped up your current video, Master Tim?” Alfred asks from off screen. Tim sets down his mug and lets out a sigh, head drooping.

“No. It’s impossible to get them to focus. I’ll just wrap it up.” Tim reaches under the counter, presumably into a pants pocket, and pulls out a phone. He takes another bite of the hard boiled egg as he taps at his phone.

“I noticed you forgot to mention Demon spawn’s other nickname.” the unknown man announces, followed by the sound of dishes clanking. Tim looks up from his phone and raises an eyebrow, one mouth puffed out with food.

“You forgot Gremlin, Timbo.” Realization dawns on Tim’s face and he nods, gesturing off screen with his egg.

“You are totally right. That’s more of Steph’s nickname for him though.” Tim goes back to his phone.

“Thank goodness, there were only a few comments left. Ima reader not a writer, good to hear from you again. They commented, ‘So funny. Poor Titus.’.” Tim looks to the camera again with a small smile.

“Titus was a complete accident. At least it just landed on the floor. Anyway, they continue, ‘OMC, I’ve never heard of the cheese challenge, laugh cry emoji, laugh cry emoji, laugh cry emoji.’. Yeah, it only lasted a couple of months. Didn’t miss much. We continue with, ‘Don’t cheese the babies, that's so mean they are only little tiny things.’.” Tim points his half eaten egg at the camera.

“Exactly! Imagine being a small baby, and out of nowhere, someone you trust tosses a large orange thing at your face! I would have trust issues after that.” Tim nods his head.

“Like you don’t already.” the man snorts off screen. Tim plops the rest of the hard boiled egg in his mouth and chews before continuing.

“Still, they write, ‘Also the pets may eat it and not all animals can eat hooman food without a stomach ache so no cheesing pets either.’ Hooman?” Tim stares at his phone, eyes wide, for a solid five seconds.

“Hooman.” he seriously concludes. There is laughter off screen.

“Timmers, I might as well be an egg, ‘cause sometimes you crack me up.” he laughs. Tim sends the person a blank stare.

“Anyway, Ima reader not a writer finished their comment with, ‘I can’t wait for more, upside down smiley face, upside down smiley face, upside down smiley face. Also, when I say omc, that means oh my Cheese, so lol.’ Thanks, we’re glad you like the videos so far. We have a whole list of ideas and plans, so we’ve got content for awhile.” Tim picks up the mug and takes a long sip before putting it back down again.

“Bookgirl18 says, ‘I wonder if Damian will make a video dedicated to his revenge pranks on Tim? That would be great to see? What about the girls?’. I’ll get to Damian’s video in a second.” Tim sets his phone down to look at the camera.

“I’m not one-hundred percent sure what you mean by girls. I mean, I have  _ one _ sister, Cass, who will be coming back from Hong Kong next Friday,” Tim pauses for a ten seconds, just staring at the screen with a contemplative look.

“I guess,  _ maybe _ , I can see why you would say girls instead of girl, since Steph hangs out with us a lot, along with Barbra. I’m not sure if Barbra will want to be in many videos, but I know Steph wants to, and Cass seems on board. We have one last comment for this Q and A.” Tim picks up his phone again.

“GLWilliams97 commented, “Love this and I can’t wait for more!! Poor Dami, getting slapped in the face with cheese. You just know he’s going to use his video to get revenge on Tim.” Tim returns to looking at the camera.

“Don’t feel bad for Damian getting cheesed. He totally deserved it. And it’s not like I threw the cheese very hard. I pretty much just tossed it like a bean bag. So, onto Damian.” Tim folds his hands together on top of the counter.

“I know Damian will attempt to get his revenge on me, probably try to make it into a video also. I will not make it easy for him though. Anyway, most of you probably thought that this video would be Damian’s revenge video. I thought it would be also. It may have had something to do with my not staying at the manor this week,” Tim vaguely gestures to the side with a hand, “but Damian put out no video  _ whatsoever  _ this week. Dick asked  _ both _ Damian and I to put out a video each this week. I did my video, but Damian didn’t. Dick hasn’t even  _ said _ anything about it,” Tim throws both hands out in a sweeping gesture.

“Wow, way to go off on a rant, Timbo.” the unknown man remarks from off screen. Tim sends the man a mighty glare. The glare continues for a good eight seconds before he turns back to the camera, smiling as if he hadn't just given someone an icy stare.

“So, before I end the video, I’m just gonna give you all a run-down of how we’re going to do our videos for now. Since we’re all busy during the week, we’ll be getting together on weekends to film videos. If we’re feeling bored, we might put up random videos by ourselves. We want to interact with you all a lot, so for now we’re going to try and do a reading comments video maybe once a week. Some videos might also be released out of the order in which we filmed them. It might take awhile for us to fine tune, so please be patient with us. This whole MeTuber thing is really new for our family, which is full of really private people. But, that’s why we’re doing this, so people can get to know the real us, and not the us the tabloids try to color us as. Thanks for watching this catastrophe. I hope it was at least somewhat entertaining.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes, but we can't kudo more than once, so that's a bit of a bummer. "Bookmarking" will mean subscribing to the "channel".


	7. Egg Roulette!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Egg Roulette!!!
> 
> Thumbnail: Damian, Dick, and Tim sit at an island counter, two open cartons of eggs in front of them.
> 
> Posted on: December 8th, 2019

A long staircase leading to a huge foyer and a large door filled the screen. A doorbell rings and whoever is holding the camera takes action.

“I got it, Alfred!” yells Dick as he slides down the railing of the long staircase side-ways, camera pointed straight at the door. When he hits the floor four seconds later, he’s off and full on sprinting to the door. His left hand slams into the door, palm splayed, before quickly moving and opening the door.

There is a blonde, feminine, teenager standing behind the door with two cartons of eggs cradled in her arms, giving the camera a suspicious look. She’s wearing a puffy, royal purple coat, jeans, snow boots, a Batgirl scarf and hat.

“What took you so long, Steph?” Dick asks as he opens the door for the girl to come in.

“Well, hi to you too, Dick.” she replies, stomping her boots on the rug before shoving the eggs into Dick’s chest. Dick takes the eggs in one arm and Steph begins untying her boots.

“Are they boiled? Did you arrange them randomly? How many-” Dick questions as the camera nearly vibrates. A boot is thrown towards the camera, but Dick side-steps just in time.

“I don’t know  _ how  _ you have this much energy in the morning, but you need to cut it down to a two instead of a fifty.” Steph says with a huff. A nervous laugh is heard from behind the camera.

“Sorry, Stephanie. I’m just excited to be doing this with Timmy and Dami. Thank you for agreeing to help out.” The girl straightens at these words, a pleased look appearing on her face.

“That’s more like it. Is anyone else awake yet? Thanks, Alfred.” Stephanie hands her coat over to the butler, who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

“Not yet, Miss. Stephanie. I highly doubt they will awake for yet another hour.” Alfred then walks away. Steph turns on Dick, hands on her hips.

“Why in the world did you ask me here at such an ungodly hour such as seven, then! I could be sleeping, or making waffles right now!” The cartoons of eggs are shoved back into her arms, she just barely manages to make sure they don’t fall.

“Put those in the kitchen and then find Tim. I’m going to wake-up Dami.”

* * *

The screen is filled with a long hallway with doors on either side.

“I am now approaching the wild Damian’s den.” Dick says as he turns suddenly to one door.

“Now, we must be very,  _ very _ quiet.” he whispers as he slowly turns the doorknob with his right hand. The door silently inches open, revealing a room consumed in shadows. Dick moves into the room, leaving the door open and allowing a stream of light to highlight a lump on the floor. A large dog raises its head from its paws, staring at the camera for a moment. Everything seems to freeze. Two seconds later, the dog is thumping its tail on the floor and has its tongue lolling out of its mouth. Dick gently shushes the dog and it licks its chops, laying its head down on its paws on the carpet again. The dog becomes larger as Dick walks up to it, giving it head rubs.

Straightening up, it can be seen that Dick is right next to a small bed with a human shaped lump curled up in it. Dick lets out a soft chuckle.

“Good morning, Damian!” he yells as he pounces onto the lump.

* * *

Tim is sitting on the right most stool, face-down on the counter. Next to him sits Dick in a black t-shirt, back to Tim. The butler sits on Dick’s other side, wrapping bandages around Dick’s forearm. The last chair is empty.

“Please be more careful when waking Master Damian, Master Dick.” the butler chastises as he wraps the bandages. Dick raises his right, uninjured hand, to his head and lets out a weak laugh.

“Sorry, Alf. I thought he had moved past this.” Dick sighs. Whoever is holding the camera, makes their way around the island and stands beside Tim, who has yet to move. They pan to the side and Damian is filling up two dog bowls with food on the floor at the end of the counters.

“Master Damian had indeed moved past his… phase. But-” Alfred replies, only to be interrupted.

“Do not speak of me as if I were not here, Pennyworth.” Damian stands, two more large dishes and two small dishes in hand as he glares at Alfred. The youngest is wearing a long sleeved, forest green pajama shirt with matching pants.

“But it would seem Master Damian has been on edge ever since the cheese incident earlier this week.” Alfred picked up right where he left off. Damian grumbles and marches to the counter. A sigh is heard from Dick and the camera whips around to Tim, showing the teenager hasn’t moved.

“Anything to say about that, Tim?” Stephanie’s voice asks from behind the camera. The only sound is that of running water. Alfred stands and Dick turns around on his stool, left forearm properly bandaged.

“Tim?” Dick pokes him in the shoulder. No movement whatsoever.

“I shall prepare the coffee.” Alfred states.

* * *

Sun is streaming through windows from somewhere off screen. Tim and Dick are in the same seats as before, Dick beaming happily and Tim looking at least alive now. He’s sitting up and cups a mug in his hands. All that can be seen of the mug is that it is white. Damian sits next to Dick, a mix of a glower and a pout on his face as he glares at something off-screen.

“Okay, I think we're ready to start. Are you sure you don’t want to join, Steph?” Dick smiles off-screen, the same direction where Damian seems to be glaring.

“And get egg in my hair? I think not. I’ll just sit back and watch you three get messy.” Stephanie replies. She is briefly seen on screen picking up the empty stool beside Damian and disappearing again. Damian whips his glare to Dick as the camera zooms in on the three, instead of four spots.

“We are doing  _ what _ with eggs, Grayson?” Dick ruffles Damian’s hair with his right hand, the boy promptly swatting it away.

“Grayson!” The man just laughs and pulls the boy into a side hug.

“Bring out the eggs, Steph!” Dick cried joyously. Tim takes a sip of his coffee, dead eyes staring straight ahead.

“Magic word, Dick!” Stephanie sing-songs.

“Release me, Grayson!”

“Ah, sorry.  _ Please _ bring out the eggs, Steph!” The blonde girl strides in front of the camera, blocking most of the scene from view. She makes her way off screen, only to reappear next to Tim. She pokes him in the cheek and his only response is another sip from his mug.

“What number coffee is this?” she asks, finger still on Tim’s cheek. Dick releases Damian and turns to the two on his other side. Damian scrambles away, pulling his chair further away from Dick.

“I think it’s his second…” Dick sighs, peering at Tim’s face. “Was he sleeping when you found him? His face is a bit red...”

“Yeah, but I found him asleep on the couch in Bruce’s study.” Steph replies. Dick gives Steph a glance before poking Tim’s other cheek. Damian is up on his knees on his stool, leaning his elbows on the counter to stare at Tim.

“Are we going to start, or not? I do not wish to spend my day in the kitchen.” Damian complains. Tim takes a sip from his mug, but slowly pulls the mug away from his mouth. He brings the mug to his eye level and tips it so it’s parallel with the table. He lets out a small grunt. Damian scoffs and Dick sighs, removing his finger from Tim’s cheek. Stephanie has started to continuously poke his other cheek. Tim just stares into his mug. Dick gives the camera a small smile.

“We’ll continue once Tim is awake.” he says. Damian lets out a “tt” and slides off his stool.

“I will be in the barn. Find me when Drake stops being a useless idiot.”

* * *

Damian, Dick and Tim are all seated at the island counter, two cartons of eggs sitting open in front of them. Damian is inspecting the carton as Dick converses with an awake Tim right next to him.

“All right ladies, let’s get this show on the road!” Stephanie says from off camera. Damian quickly looks up and opens his mouth to say something.

“Yes, they are Animal Welfare Approved eggs, Damian. They’re the brand Alfred always buys.” Stephanie exclaims. Damian lets out a tutting noise and pushes the eggs away from himself.

“What are we doing with these eggs, Grayson.” Damian demands, crossing his arms over his chest with a little scowl in place.

“It’s egg roulette, right?” Tim asks as he slides his mug off to the side. It can now be seen that his white mug says, “Well, I’m here. What’s your next two wishes?”.

“Egg what?” Damian sneers. Dick turns in his stool to face his youngest brother.

“Egg roulette!” he shouts before turning back to his other brother. “Timmy?” Tim lets out a sigh and rolls his eyes good naturedly. The camera zooms in on the middle brother’s face as Tim directs his attention to it.

“Egg roulette,” a charming smile on his face, “is where you take a number of eggs and boil about one quarter to one third of them, depending on how many people are playing. There aren’t any concrete rules for how many to use or boil, so it’s up to each person’s discretion. Here,” the camera zooms out and all three boys are back in frame, Tim gesturing to the two cartons, “we have twenty-four eggs. Going off of what I’ve seen other people do, I’d guess we have about eight or nine raw eggs here. Am I right, Steph?”

“We have ourselves a winner!” Stephanie says, camera jostling slightly. “Oh, and put the hard boiled ones in here. We can have them for lunch.” A small metal bowl is placed on the counter in front of Dick.

“In this game, we’ll all have three lives. First two to get three raw eggs lose!” Dick exclaims.

“Your explanation has done nothing to enlighten me, Drake.” Damian continues scowling, sitting back in his stool.

“Here, Dami, I’ll show you.” Dick reaches over to a carton and pauses right before he touches an egg.

“You mixed this up, right Steph?” he asks toward the camera. A thumbs up appears in front of the lens.

“And I refrigerated them. You shouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”

“Wait. You have to crack the one you touch. No put backs.” Tim declares, taking a sip from his mug.

“Sounds fair. Okay, let’s go with… this one!” Dick picks up an egg from the carton in front of Tim. He shows it to the camera and then Damian. The boy scrutinizes the egg, but says nothing. Tim watches on with a satisfied look, one elbow on the counter and mug in hand. Damian watches as Dick slowly raises the egg above his head. Just as Damian opens his mouth, Dick smashes the egg on the top of his head. The room was

silent as Dick lifted the egg off his head and showed the camera that it was a boiled egg. He places said egg in the bowl Steph had provided and turns back to Damian.

“And that’s how you play!” he says, a proud grin on his face. Damian continues staring as Tim takes another sip from his mug.

“Are you mad?!” Damian cried incredulously, voice cracking on the last syllable. Tim near chokes on his drink and Stephanie is laughing off screen. The reddening of Damian’s cheeks can be seen on screen, along with a look of horror on his face. Dick is biting his bottom lip, but he can’t hold it and starts laughing too. Damian’s look of horror slowly transforms into an embarrassed fury. In seconds, Stephanie is between Dick and Damian, shoving a phone in Damian’s face.

“Do you like my new lock screen, Damian?” she asks, a huge grin on her face. Dick has turned around to face Tim and regain control of his laughter. Tim is fairing similarly.

“I do not-” Damian cuts himself off as his eyes cross slightly and focus on the phone. He stares for a second, anger visually draining from his body and something akin to glee taking its place. He takes the phone from Stephanie to look at and she turns away towards Tim.

“Your turn, chuckles!” she says, ruffling his hair as she passes by him. Tim picks up a random egg from the carton in front of him, still chuckling slightly. The camera zooms in on Tim. He glances at the egg before looking straight at the camera. He brings the egg down on his head and pauses for a couple seconds. An amused snort from Dick is heard. The three boys are on screen again, Dick peeking over Damian’s shoulder at Steph’s phone as Tim places his boiled egg in the bowl.

“When you eventually get yolked, I’m so making you my home screen, Tim.” Steph comments.

“Gee, thanks Steph.” He replies with a roll of his eyes. Dick hands Stephanie back her phone with a wide grin.

“Your turn, Dami.” he declares. Damian pouts but observes the carton of eggs in front of him. Tim frowns and looks off screen at Steph.

“You said that you changed your lock screen?” Tim asks, turning his attention back to Damian who is picking up an egg.

“You can do it, Dami!” Damian gives Dick a grouchy look.

“Yep.” Steph replies. Damian brings the egg up to his face, scrutinizing the egg more carefully. Tim glances back at her, face still directed towards Dick and Damian.

“What exactly did you change your lock screen to?”

“Not now, Timmy. I’ll show you later.” Tim lets out a little huff before fully paying attention to the game. Damian stares determinedly ahead, egg poised above his head. All is silent as the egg stays in the air. Dick tilts his head to the side while Tim takes another sip from his mug.

“I don’t want to spend all day in the kitchen, Damian.” Tim comments dryly. Damian tuts, smashing the egg down on his head. Dick chuckles weakly as a bit of shell flies around the kitchen.

“Maybe not so hard next time, ‘kay little D?” Dicks slides the boiled egg bowl in front of Damian. Damian removes the egg from his head and stares at the hard boiled egg. The slightly crushed egg fills the screen for a moment before it goes back to its original image of the three boys. Dick picks up another egg, this time from the carton in front of Damian.

“You know,” he says casually, raising the egg above his head “I love eggs, but they…” he brings the egg down on his head. “Crack me up.” Stephanie giggles off screen as Dick puts the hard boiled egg in the bowl. Tim has his head in one of his hands, arm on the counter, seemingly muttering to himself. Damian remains straight faced, examining the eggs again. Tim randomly picks an egg without looking, head still resting in his hand. He confidently cracks the egg on his head and places the hard boiled egg in the bowl, not lifting his head once.

“Tim.” Stephanie calls.

“What, Steph?” Tim sounds done.

“A boiled egg is hard to beat.” Tim doesn’t reply, but Dick laughs at the joke. Damian carefully picks up an egg and brings it close to his face.

“Okay, Dami. Remember, not so hard this time.” Dick comments. Tim has turned his head in his hand to be able to watch. Damian stares at the egg for another second and then quickly smashes the egg on the top of his head. He brings the egg down and smiles, seeing that it’s hard boiled.

“Would you like to hear an egg yolk?” Dick questions as he browses the eggs.

“I’ve got a dozen of ‘em.” He decides on an egg from Tim’s carton.

“When you hear them, you’ll crack up.” Dick brings the egg down on his head.

“That was great!” Stephanie cackles. Dick beams proudly as he places the hard boiled egg into the bowl.

“What do you call a mischievous egg? A practical yolker!” she declares. Damian rolls his eyes as Dick laughs.

“I shouldn’t have expected anything else.” Tim comments dryly as he randomly grabs another egg from his carton and brings it down on his head. Damian briefly glances over at Tim, but noticing that it is a hard boiled egg, turns back to examining his eggs.

“You won’t be able to tell the difference, Damian. Just pick one and go.” Steph says after half a minute. Damian ignores her and continues to peruse his eggs.

“Hey, Damian.” Stephanie calls again. Damian turns a sharp gaze on her.

“What, Brown?” he snaps.

“Who tells the best jokes?” she asks. Damian opens his mouth to reply, only to be cut off.

“Comedi-hens!” Dick and Steph laugh at the joke. Damian gives the girl off screen a steely glare. He turns back to the eggs and picks one at random. He immediately lifts the egg above his head and brings it down on his head. The room freezes as egg runs down Damian’s head. The boy himself is frozen, eyes wide and hand still atop his head. He slowly removes his hand from his head, bits of shell, and of course egg, sticking to it. He stares at his eggy hand, egg whites and yolks slowly dripping down the sides of his head. Tim snorts before standing and making his way off-screen, mug in hand. Dick is chuckling, same as Stephanie. Damian gazes up at Dick, unamused. The kid has gone stiff all over, still as a statue. Especially his eggy hand. Tim comes back on screen, sitting down with a steaming mug and a wet cloth. Damian’s eyes lock onto it and he reaches in front of Dick to snatch it, quickly cleaning off his egged hand. The tension instantly bleeds out of him after removing the egg and shell from his hand.

“That was mine, Demon.” Tim comments, no real bite to his remark.

“It’s fine, Timmy. We can share it.” Dick says, picking the large shell bits out of Damian’s hair and setting them on the counter. The kid glances briefly at Tim before averting his gaze, softly tutting.

“I can clean myself, Grayson.” Damian remarks, pushing Dick’s hands away. Dick merely smirks, looking over the eggs in front of Damian. Tim suddenly turns away from the two to speak to Stephanie, mug thudding slightly on the counter.

“Can you give me a hint?” Tim asks.

“About the eggs?” Steph questions.

“That’s cheating!” Dick cries, egg in hand, pointing towards where Stephanie presumably is. Tim rolls his eyes.

“Her new lock screen.” Tim says dryly.

“If you can tell me an egg joke, I’ll give ya a hint!”

“Oh! I have another one!” Dick cheers.

“Grayson.” Damian chastises.

“Damian. What do chickens call a school test? An eggs-animation!” Dick screws his eyes shut and smashes the egg on his head, raw egg dripping down his face. Stephanie barks out a laugh, Tim gives a chuckle, and Damian can be seen smiling. He pushes the cloth towards Dick’s searching hand on the counter.

“Aha! There it is.” Dick wipes the egg out of his eyes, bangs plastered to his forehead. Tim picks up an egg from the carton in front of him, eyes looking past the camera.

“How many eggs can you eat on an empty stomach? Just one, because then your stomach won't be empty.” he says, cracking the egg atop his head.

“Ohh!” Dick exclaims, slicking back his bangs. Tim places his hard boiled egg in the bowl.

“Try harder, Timbo!” Steph tells him. Tim screws his face up before going back to staring at his carton of eggs. Damian’s face is similarly screwed up in a frown, examining his eggs. Damian glances at his brothers before picking up an egg, shaking it, and putting it back.

“Uh! I saw that, Gremlin!” Steph’s arm appears on screen, pointing at Damian. He bristles and sends her a glare, now having the attention of both brothers.

“I did nothing.”

“You totally picked up an egg, shook it, and put it back!”

“I did not.”

“I have video proof!” the screen shakes slightly. Dick frowns down at Damian, Tim sips from his mug.

“Dami. Did you put an egg back?” Dick asks. Damian purses his lips and picks up the egg he had put back.

“I don’t want this one.”

“It doesn’t matter. You pick it up, you crack it on your head. Those are the rules.” Tim chimes in. Damian shoots the teen a nasty glare.

“Damian.” Dick reprimands. The boy glares at Dick for a second before dejectedly turning his gaze to the egg in his hand. He lets out a large sigh, lifting the egg into the air. He screws his eyes shut and the egg splatters atop his head. He gathers the eggshell from his hair and drops it onto the counter, snatching the wet cloth from Dick’s hand to wipe at his face and hands.

“I demand that we switch the cartons! Brown obviously favors Drake, thus he is less likely to receive an uncooked egg!” Damian throws the eggy towel at Tim, but Dick catches it instead.

“Just because it’s in front of you doesn’t mean you have to pick from it.” Tim pipes up.

“Then you should have no objection to switching, Drake.” Damian snarls. Dick inhales deeply and then exhales loudly. Stephanie’s snickers can be heard from off screen. Dick looks at Tim, but doesn’t say anything. Tim stares him in the eye, languidly sipping from his mug. The teen shrugs, removing the mug from his mouth.

“I have no objections.”

“Thank you, Timmy.” Dick moves about, switching the cartons, ignorant to Tim’s grimace. The image on screen shifts slightly before the camera is moving closer to the eggs, showing six eggs in each carton.

“What are you doing, Brown?” Damian asks, the words dripping contempt.

“Just showing the viewers how many eggs are left. About half of these are raw, the other half hard boiled, for those who haven’t been keeping track. Damian has gotten two raw, Dick one, and Tim zero!” the camera backs away from the eggs, shifts slightly, and becomes stationary again.

“Thanks for the recap, Steph.” Dick smiles, looking over the eggs in front of Damian as the youngest does the same.

“Okay,” Dick picks up an egg, poising it above his head, “what happens when a baby chick hatches? It gets all egg-cited.” The egg hits his head, but no new egg falls down his face.

“What did one egg say to another?” Stephanie asks.

“What?” Dick places the hard boiled egg in the bowl.

“Your yolks crack me up.” Steph and Dick chuckle while Damian groans with an eye roll.

“Your turn Timmy!” Dick cheers, focusing on his second youngest brother.

“How about this one?” Tim picks up an egg, gaze off-screen again.

“How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn? The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.” Dick suddenly snorts a laugh, bringing a hand to his mouth to cover it.

“That one was pretty good.” Steph giggles. “Okay, I’ll give you a hint. My new lock-screen is from a MeTube video.” Tim gapes at the hint, splaying his arms over the counter with his chosen egg sitting in one open palm, mug handle gripped in the other.

“That’s way too general of a hint!”

“Give me another joke and I’ll tell you the channel.”

“Fine, fine, fine.” Tim straightens in his seat, raising the egg and bringing it down on his head. Tim’s eyes are blown wide open as egg drips through his hair and down his shoulders, a bit falling down his face. Dick and Stephanie burst out laughing, Damian silently smirking beside the eldest brother.

“I told you the cartons were rigged.” Damian exclaims, arms crossing over his chest as he straightens on his stool.

“Oh, god, this is perfect! Who’s editing this? You need to make sure I can screenshot this!” Stephanie cackles.

“Yeah, perfect.” Tim grumbles, setting the shell on the counter.

“Where’s the cloth?” he asks bitterly, hand groping blindly along the counter with one eye closed. Damian moves it further from Tim’s reach, but thankfully, Dick plucks it from his little hands and places it in Tim’s groping one.

“Here you go, Timmy.”

“Thanks, Dick.” Tim immediately wipes the egg from his face, allowing him to see with two eyes again.

Damian picks up an egg from his new carton as Dick spins on his stool to face the youngest better. Tim stands up with the cloth and walks off screen, water can be heard running shortly after.

“Since this egg is from the carton that was originally Drake’s, it is highly likely that it is hard boiled.”

“The cartons aren’t rigged, Gremlin. I randomly placed them and randomly set the cartons down.” Steph continues giggling.

“I find that incredibly hard to believe, Brown.” the Gremlin comments, confidently cracking the egg atop his head. The water stops in the background as the image zooms in and Damian confidently shows the hard boiled egg off to the camera.

“See? I was  _ correct _ .” Damian places the boiled egg in the metal bowl. The camera tilts down to show off the bowl, eggs peeking over the top of it.

“We are now two,” Damian’s smug face fills the screen, “to one,” follwoed by Dick’s amused face, “to one.” Tim’s mug stating, “I’m here. What’s your next two wishes?” fills the screen. Something moves behind it and the camera zooms out to get Tim in the shot, now back at the counter with the same, but now clean, wet cloth wiping at his face.

“Needed a clean-up from the egg.” he mutters.

“That makes it my turn now, right?” Dick exclaims, picking up one of the four eggs left in Tim’s new carton.

“What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?” the man asks.

“You are going to receive an uncooked egg, Grayson.” Damian warns.

“New Yolk City!” Egg splatters down Dick’s face once again.

“I told you.” Damian sniffs, leaning away from Dick. Tim smirks as he raises his mug to his mouth, offering Dick the cloth.

“Ooo. A hard hit for Dick as he falls behind, putting Tim in the lead.” Steph commentates. Damian stiffens at the reminder.

“It’s all just fun, Dami.” Dick soothes. The kid sends a glare at Tim nonetheless. Tim suddenly spits the brown liquid out of his mouth and across the counter, Dick and Damian recoiling slightly. He leaves the mug on the counter and rushes off screen.

“You okay there, Tim?” Dick asks over running water, brows furrowed as he wipes at an eye. Muted thuds are heard from off screen.

“Are you so inept that you choke on liquid, Drake?” Damian raises a bored eyebrow. There are spitting noises followed by gargling and more spitting.

“That’s it, just breathe Tim.” Stephanie instructs the harsh panting. Tim slowly takes his seat back at the stool, wet spots on his shirt and hair dripping slightly. He looks to the mug, betrayed.

“Timmy?” Dick prompts, setting a hand on Tim’s shoulder. Tim doesn’t turn away from his mug.

“There was egg. In my coffee.” he replies woefully. Dick tries to stifle a laugh as he lurches forward, head hanging. Steph starts laughing.

“Pathetic, Drake.” Damian shakes his head.

“It must- it must’ve landed in there wh-when you cracked the raw egg on your he-ead!” Steph chimed in. Damian turns his gaze to the eggs and randomly grabs one like Tim had originally done.

“Hurry up, Drake. The sooner you lose, the sooner I can leave.” he huffs. Tim sends a sneer Damian’s way, quickly grabbing an egg and immediately cracking it on his head, all while maintaining eye-contact with Damian. He drops the hard boiled egg in the bowl.

“You’re turn, Demon.” Tim bites out. Damian narrows his eyes, a snarl adorning his own face. Dick’s eyes widen, looking back and forth between his glaring younger brothers with his hands raised in a placating manner.

“Now, now. Let’s settle down. This is just a friendly game. There is no need to get hostile.”

“Tt. There is no such thing as a  _ friendly game _ , Grayson.” Damian confidently breaks the egg he had chosen on his head.

“The tension is palpable here, folks.” Stephanie whispers close to the camera. Dick sighs and lets his head fall into his hand, the other blindly feeling in Damian’s carton. He grabs one of the three eggs left in said carton, raising his head to look at Damian and Tim.

“I don’t understand where this tension came from.” Dick says.

“Ahem,” Stephanie clears her throat, attracting the boys’ attention, “Why do chickens lay eggs?”

“They’re attempting to make a clutch of offspring.” Damian replies, glare not leaving his face.

“No, because if they dropped them they would break!” Tim face plants into the counter while Dick gives a weak chuckle and Damian cocks his head to the side.

“I suppose that makes sense.” the youngest states thoughtfully, staring at the eggs. Dick chuckles again and roughly ruffles Damian’s hair. Damian shrinks slightly under the contact.

“Grayson!” he nearly whines. Tim’s head is now sideways on the counter.

“Only you and Tim would think so in depth about a joke.” Steph cackles.

“Do not compare me to that piece of garbage!”

“That wasn’t ni-”

“What did the mommy egg say to the baby egg? You're ‘Egg-stra special’.” Dick cuts Stephanie off, wrapping an arm around Damian and bringing him in for a side hug. Dick brings the egg in his other hand down on his own head.

“Grayson!” Damian nearly shrieks, trying to pull away from the man and the splatter zone. Some of the egg has flown onto Damian’s head and face. Dick laughs and lets the kid go, handing Tim’s wet cloth to Damian.

“Looks like you’re out, Dick.” Steph announces. “It’s down to our final two. Damian has one raw egg left before he is eliminated, Tim two. Who shall win this session of, Egg Roulette?”

“You’re right. I guess I am out.” Dick huffs a laugh, slicking his hair back.

“It’s from Red Hood’s MeTube channel, Vigilante Life, isn’t it?” Tim suddenly asks from his spot on the counter. 

“What is?” Steph inquires.

“It’s the only channel you talk about lately, besides ours. I can’t think of anything you would screenshot from his videos for a background though…” Dick places his head on the counter and faces Tim.

“Timmy. It’s your turn now.” he sing-songs.

“Tell me one more joke and I’ll show it to you, Tim.” Tim huffs at Steph’s ultimatum, but sits up anyway, Dick following. The teen glances at the three eggs in front of him before blindly deciding on one to pick up.

“Fine,” Tim states, a calm and pleasant smile on his face again, “What do you call an egg who is on the computer too much?”

“Drake.” Tim turns to Damian, eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“No, the answer is  _ Drake _ .” Damian smirks. Steph gives a snort of laughter, all faces turning to her. Tim looks at her like he had his mug of coffee.

“I-I’m sorry, Tim, but you sorta walked right into that one.” Steph tries to muffle her laughter. Dick turns to Damian.

“Nice one, little D.” he beams down at the kid. Tim closes his eyes for a moment, face blank. When he opens them again, there is a distinct, but unclear look to his eyes.

“If anyone cares, the answer was an Egg-head.” he smiles kindly, smashing the egg on his head as he stares directly at the camera. He delicately places the hard boiled egg on top of the mountain of eggs in the bowl and turns his attention to Damian, who is once again glaring at him.

“Your move.” Damian tuts at Tim and looks to his eggs. There are only two left in his current carton.

“Two eggs left in each carton, folks. One or two are raw. Will Damian survive another round?” Stephanie intones. Damian snaps his head up in her direction, mouth pulled into a snarl.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be quiet.” she backs off. Damian huffs and analyzes first Tim’s carton and then his own.

“Thinking of switching  _ again _ , Damian?” Tim asks. Damian quickly grabs one of the two eggs from his carton, squeezes his eyes shut, and cracks the egg on his head. After a few seconds, he carefully opens his eyes and lowers the egg. Hard boiled. Tim’s hand snakes in front of Dick and grabs the last egg from Damian’s carton as the kid places his hard boiled egg atop the mountain

“Hey! That’s from  _ my _ carton!” Damian protests once noticing, making a grab for the egg with his unoccupied hand. Dick catches him before he can make contact with Tim though.

“Calm down, Dami. Tim can pick from either carton. There’s no rule saying he has to pick from the one in front of him.” Dick calmly explains, Damian’s fists being held in Dick’s hands.

“But Grayson-”

“No buts, Damian. Tim can choose where he picks the egg from. Just think of it as switching cartons like earlier.” Dick lowers Damian’s fists. Tim cracks the egg on his head, then adds his hard boiled egg to the pile.

“There was an Egg that went to a cafe. The Woman at the counter asked ,’What can I get you?’. The Egg said ‘Could you get me a double Eggspreso, please’.” Tim says, hands folded atop the counter. Dick is looking over his shoulder at the young man while it appears Damian may by grinding his teeth. He rips his out of Dick’s hold and grabs one of the last two eggs in front of Tim, nearly laying across Dick to reach it.

“Dam-” can be heard from both Steph and Dick while Damian cracks the egg on his head. Everyone in the room goes silent and freezes, watching as egg drips down Damian’s head, Dick’s shirt, and Tim’s cheek. Damian inhales deeply through his nose, retreating back to his seat. The silence continues for a couple more seconds as the people in the room stare at the boy. Damian crosses his arms over his chest and looks away from everyone, pouting. Tim merely stares at his younger brother.

“Oookay. That’s it for this video.” Dick plants his palms on the counter and faces the camera, a nervous smile painting his features. “I hope you all enjoyed it like we did, at least in the beginning. Thanks for watching, bye!”

* * *

Stephanie is sitting curled up on a large brown couch with a black blanket, face filling the screen.

“So, the boys are all cleaning up now from that egg-ceptional game. But seriously, the tension in there went from three to fifty  _ so _ fast. I think part of it was Tim’s egg coffee. That probably threw him off a bit. All's well that ends well, though. I had one more egg joke I  _ had _ to get out, so here it goes!” Stephanie grins at the screen.

“What do Chickens grow on? Eggplants!” she sticks her tongue out and gives a wink.

“See ya, folks!” she waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes, but we can't kudo more than once, so that's a bit of a bummer. "Bookmarking" will mean subscribing to the "channel".


	8. The Floor is Lava!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Floor is Lava!
> 
> Thumbnail: Dick is perched on top of a balance beam about four feet off the ground like a bird, knees bent and everything. He still has a hold of Damian’s knees, but the kid is bug-eyed with his arms securely wrapped around Dick’s forehead. The man himself is grinning like nothing is wrong.
> 
> Posted on: December 10th, 2019

The screen is dark for a second before a room comes into focus as the camera slowly peers around something. Dick and Damian are lounging on the couch, Stephanie laying on her stomach on the floor, pillow under her elbows. She’s fiddling with her phone while Damian is sketching, Dick simply staring at the kid. The screen shifts to the side, showing Tim leaning against the other side of the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. The camera person takes a step back, a bit of the wall they were peering around showing up on the left side.

“Alfred says lunch is ready.” Tim calls in a bored tone.

“Eggs a la Goldenrod!”

“Egg salad sandwich!”

“I do not understand your excitement for egg dishes. They are just eggs.”

Tim retreated as the voices got closer. Just as Stephanie exits the room and catches sight of the camera, a somewhat familiar gruff voice calls out, “The floor is lava!”

Stephanie quickly scrambles on top of a hallway table, nearly toppling over a flower vase. A step forward and a turn of the camera shows that Dick and Damian have run back to one of the couches, both standing on top of the seat cushions.

“Safe.” the same voice calls, turning back around.

“Egg time!” Steph cries as she jumps off the table and sprints down a hall. Camera turns sharply and a large hand reaches out to stop the vase from falling over.

“Were you trying to keep the eggs all to yourself?” Dick jokingly asks. The camera zips over to show Dick standing in the archway, hands on his hips and leaning forward the slightest bit. Damian shoves him.

“Out of the way, Grayson. I require nutrients.” The kid stomps off down the same hall as Steph.

* * *

“Hey, Dick.” the mystery man says as he and Dick walk down the hall, camera pointed slightly down at Dick’s face.

“Hm?”

“What’s the difference between you and eggs?”

“I have awesome hair and eggs are bald?”

“Even better. Eggs get laid and you don’t.”

“J-!” Dick sounds affronted as he is cut off.

* * *

“That chicken cobb salad was so good.” Tim says, leaning back in an armchair in a somewhat familiar family room.

“It may have been good, but the egg salad sandwiches were gifts from God.” Steph replies, flopping stomach first onto the couch.

“While the sandwiches were adequate, the sauteed asparagus with mushrooms was clearly the best dish.” Damian sniffs, sitting on the floor next to Bruce who is in another arm chair.

"I've got to agree with little D, the asparagus was delicious!" Dick gushed, sitting next to Stephanie.

"And you nearly choked multiple times because of it." Bruce states with a chuckle. "Is there a reason we had a meal surrounding eggs today though?” Everyone suddenly goes quiet. Dick turns to Bruce, a small frown on his face.

“Today was filming day for MeTube, remember? We did egg roulette earlier.” Bruce pauses momentarily at Dick’s statement.

“Ah. That’s right. I've been so busy it must have slipped my mind. That explains why we have more people than usual here on a Saturday." he replies casually.

"The floor is lava!" the cameraman shouts. Tim and Dick nonchalantly pick their feet off the ground and sit on them criss-cross. Steph smiles where she is and kicks her feet in the air. Damian though. Damian's eyes widen from where he sits on the floor. He hastily gets to his feet and climbs atop of the nearest piece of furniture, which Bruce just so happens to be sitting on. The kid ends up kneeling sideways on Bruce's lap, Bruce's eyes going wide, body stiff.

"Safe." the mystery man calls, barking out a laugh. Damian visibly relaxes, sitting back on his legs. It takes him a second, but his head whips to face Bruce who blinks. Kid flushes a little, averting eye contact.

"My apologies, Father. It had not registered that you were sitting here. I'll just-" Damian moves to get off of Bruce, but the man snakes a hand around Damian's middle, pulling his back into his chest.

"Father!" Damian squeaks, squirming in the lap and face a bright red.

"Ah, how precious. Baby Wayne in Daddy's lap." J snickers, Tim snickering along with him.

"J! Don't be mean! It's cute!" Dick exclaims, already taking pictures with his phone from the couch along with Stephanie.

"Grayson! Cease your actions this minute!" Damian exclaims, struggling in Bruce's firm grip. The man himself doesn't let go, a small smile on his face.

"Father, release me! I need to remind these fools why they should not mess with me!" the kid's voice breaks on the last syllable. Bruce lets out a tired sigh, gently pushing the small boy back against his chest with his other hand. The screen starts shaking slightly.

"No harming your siblings, Damian." Bruce says. The laughter in the room ratchets up a few levels as Damian continues to fight for freedom.

"They are not my siblings! Brown is not even adopted!" he fervently protests, nearly drowned out by all the laughter. The boy eventually huffs, cheeks puffed out, and crosses his arms over his chest, sinking back into his father’s arms as the others continue to laugh.

“Steph, toss me your phone. I’ll get a better angle.” Tim calls over the laughter. Stephanie does just so, purple phone soaring through the air into Tim’s hand.

“You had all better watch your backs while you sleep.” Damian grumbles. Bruce ruffles Damian’s hair with a chuckle, the kid’s head jerking slightly.

“Father…” he whines, batting at the hand. Dick and Stephanie are admiring the pictures on Dick’s phone, Tim holding Steph’s phone up in front of his face as he fiddles with it. The screen fills with Tim’s face as his amused face morphs into one of confusion, then horror.

“ _ THIS  _ is your new lock screen?! And it came from Red Hood’s channel?!” Tim’s voice is a pitch higher than usual. Laughter starts up in the room again.

An image of a passed out Red Robin on a cot fills the screen, head lolled to the side, a hand hanging over the edge with the other resting on his stomach. Besides his domino mask, his face was adorned with a large and magnificent handlebar mustache along with “Red Hood” written on his forehead, “Was” written on one cheek, and “Here” written on the other.

* * *

Tim is on his hands and knees on a large black gym mat. Dick is at his feet, Damian sitting on Dick’s shoulders. Dick’s hands are on Damian’s knees, holding the kid steady. Stephanie’s hands are on Tim’s shoulders, her feet near Dick’s face where Damian was holding her ankles. She’s holding herself up with her hands, torso at a thirty degree angle from the ground.

“How’s it look, J?” Dick questions, eyes darting over to the camera.

“Yep! Just like the floor is lava.” J casually replies. It takes a second, but Stephanie falls face first onto the mat as Tim scurries to his feet and Dick runs off screen with Damian still on his shoulders. Tim dashes off screen as Stephanie lifts her front off the ground.

“Grayson!” Damian is heard screeching off screen. J is laughing pretty hard in the background. Steph jumps to her feet with a determined face and sprints toward the camera, but to the side so she can get behind.

“Hey- Wha- AH!” J says before there’s a thud as something hits the floor.

It is silent for five seconds.

“We good, J?” Dick calls. There is no one on screen. Just the gym mats, some workout equipment, and what looks like might be some gymnastic bars.

“My *bleeeep* GOD, you’re heavier than you look.” J groans.

“This is a family friendly channel!” Tim shouts.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Y’all ‘re good. Just stay in place so I can film yer spots.” he grumbles.

Another three seconds of silence.

“You can get off me, Blondie.” J sighs.

“You said to stay on our spots.” she teases.

“I can’t *bleeeep* stand up with ya sprawled all over me!”

“Language!” Dick pipes in.

“Let me down, Grayson.” Damian demands.

“I forgot I still had you, Damian.” Dick chuckles. The screen shakes a little before it turns to show Dick perched on top of a balance beam about four feet off the ground like a bird, knees bent and everything. He still has a hold of Damian’s knees, but the kid is bug-eyed with his arms securely wrapped around Dick’s forehead. The man himself is grinning like nothing is wrong.

“You scared of heights, tater tot?” J asks tauntingly. Damian’s eyes focus on the camera and he scowls with his whole being. He looks poised to jump and mall the mystery cameraman, J.

“ _ You _ try and balance on an idiot running like a chicken then jumping four feet onto a four inch wide platform, then turning around on said platform!” he snarls.

“Easy, demon. J is just being his usual jerk like self.” Tim comments. The camera swivels around to show Tim on the opposite side of the room, sitting criss-cross on a treadmill, bored. Stephanie sneaks up on the side and presses a button. Tim goes flying off the treadmill, eyes comically wide. J lets out a loud guffaw along with Dick. Tim lays sprawled out, face first on the floor.

“I tackled J to the ground and laid on him.” Steph says, leaning against the treadmill.

“No easy task, mind you.” J remarks.

* * *

The screen is showing the Waynes and friends sitting around a dinner table eating. To the right of the screen, Bruce Wayne is seen sitting at the head of the table, Dick to his right and Damian to his left. Next to Damian sits Stephanie, and across from her is Tim. The other seats are out of frame.

“Why does Drake get to accompany you to retrieve Cain on Friday, and not me?” Damian inquired, a slight whine making its way out.

“We’ve been over this, Damian,” Bruce sighed, “You have school while we’re picking up Cassandra.”

“I do not need to atte-”

“The floor is lava.” J states from out of sight. A few feet can be seen raising off the ground about two inches. Damian turns his head toward Tim.

“Really? You have to try better than that-” Damian sneers, getting cut off.

* * *

The upper left corner of the screen reads 1:07 am. The screen is a little dark, but it looks like the camera has some sort of night vision. It’s the kitchen, pristine even in the dark. The clock flips to 1:08 am. A small figure enters the room, fist rubbing at their face.

“Stupid Grayson. Tricking me into watching that dumb movie with everyone.” they grumble. At this point, it is pretty clear that the small person is Damian. The boy pads over to the fridge, opening a cupboard next to it. He reaches up and takes a glass down, closing the cupboard. He steps over to the sink and fills his glass. Everything is silent for a minute as he sips his water. He lets out a content sigh as he sets his glass on the counter beside the sink..

“The floor is lava!” is suddenly shouted, J’s voice ringing out. Damian jumps before jumping into action, pulling himself up to sit on the divider in the sink. He quickly falls into one side of the sink with a squeak though, legs spilling out of the sink at the knee. There’s a flash from somewhere, briefly illuminating Damian before disappearing.

“How’s that for better, brat?” J laughs from off screen. Damian lets out a screech, launching himself out of the sink and out of the kitchen, presumably chasing after J.

* * *

Dick’s face pops up on screen. It looks like he’s laying on or a bed or something. He gives the camera a cheerful smile.

“I know it probably wasn’t the best Floor is Lava video you’ve ever watched, but don’t worry! We’re just getting started. It’s a fun game, so we’ll for sure play more of it. There weren't really any good times or places to do it today, so next time we’re going to do it somewhere else. Somewhere with less furniture, probably. Make things more exciting. I hope you all enjoyed the video! This is Dick of the Wayne family, saying thanks for watching!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes. "Bookmarking" will mean subscribing to the "channel".
> 
> Also, I love seeing you all interact in the comments below! Feel free to comment on other people's comments! Get a conversation started! The characters will definitely read all the comments below! BTW, next Reading Your Comments chapter is two away! Get your comments in soon!


	9. Cass is Back!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cass is Back!
> 
> Thumbnail: A close-up of Cassandra Wayne’s face as she smiles at the camera.
> 
> Posted on: December 13th, 2019

There are shops, the names blurred out, across the street from where the camera person is standing. Only a couple of people walk past, speeding by to get warm. Snow sits on the ledges of the buildings, a few icicles hanging down. There are piles of heavy, grey snow between the road and sidewalk. The sounds of a city in winter filter through. After thirty seconds of scenery, a black SUV pulls up in front of the camera, blocking the street from view. A purple gloved hand reaches forward and opens the back passenger door, a bewildered Tim sitting behind the driver.

"Thanks for picking me up, Alfred." A feminine voice states as they climb into the car, shutting the door behind them.

"It is my pleasure, Miss Stephanie. I know Miss Cassandra will be very happy to see you." Alfred Pennyworth, the butler, replies.

"Steph? What are you doing here?" Tim asks, camera still angled at him.

"I thought you had finals until three today." Bruce inquired, camera moving to face the man peering over the left shoulder of his front passenger seat.

"Scheduled 'em early so I could go greet Cass," the fabric of the front passenger seat fills the screen, "I am officially FREE until next semester! Anyway, it's been so long since she last visited! There's so much we have to squeeze in before she leaves again!" The camera is once again filled with Bruce's face, one eyebrow raised and looking somewhat concerned.

"Ready, Miss Stephanie?" Alfred asks, his eyes visible in the rear view mirror in the upper left hand corner of the screen.

"All buckled up, Alfred!"

"What's with the camera?" said camera whips around to face Tim, bundled up in a heavy, navy winter jacket and thick black gloves, a single eyebrow raised with the outside world moving by behind him.

"For your MeTube channel, of course! Seriously, Tim, you need to get content where you can, whenever you can."

"Uh huh." Tim nods skeptically.

"Thank," the camera whips back to Bruce, his usual, slightly dopey, smile on his face, "you for helping us out, Stephanie."

"Yeah. No problem." she replies. Bruce turns back to facing forward in his seat. Camera slowly pans back to Tim. The teen aged CEO at Wayne Enterprises stares the camera down with a blank face, taking a sip from a white travel mug proclaiming in black lettering, "I'm Fine".

* * *

Tim finishes his sip and blinks at the camera. The scene out the window behind him is now a parking garage.

“Master Bruce, would you kindly retrieve Master Damian’s sign from the back?” Alfred asks. Tim turns away from the camera and unbuckles.

“Of course. He worked so hard on it, it would be a shame to forget it.” Bruce replies, a door opening and shutting.

“Aw~ Damian made a sign?! That’s so cute!” Stephanie says. The camera turns to the door and a purple gloved hand opens it. She steps out and shuts the door, stepping over to where Bruce is opening pulling out a decent sized piece of cardboard. Bruce shuts the back hatch before turning the sign around to show the camera. The cardboard is painted black, yellowish gold ballerina slippers tastefully painted in each corner. Aligned in the center in neat, white calligraphy reads, “Welcome Home, Cassandra”. White and yellow stars decorate above and below the words.

“That’s so sweet!” Steph squeals.

“It makes sense, since after Dick, Cass is his favorite sibling.” Tim says, coming around the other side of the car.

“If we do not keep moving, I’m afraid Miss Cassandra will be the one greetings us instead.” Alfred says as he appears. The man looks as posh as ever in his brown winter trench coat and matching fedora.

* * *

It’s quite busy at the international luggage pick-up. People are bustling about all around, coming and going, a few waiting for others, all faces blurred out.

“I can’t see her.” Stephanie complains, shifting in front of the camera.

“Her plane _just_ landed, Steph.” Tim says from behind the camera. The girl turns around and pouts at the camera, hands curled into fists at her sides.

“I can’t be excited, Tim? Bruce! Make sure that sign is high!”

Tim lets out a tired sigh, “You know that’s what I meant Steph.”

“The sign is high enough, Stephanie.” Bruce replies from somewhere behind the camera.

“Why don’t you play a game to pass the time?” Alfred suggests, off screen.

“A game…” Steph ponders, looking around the airport.

“Tim?” Bruce inquires. The screen slowly moves Damian’s sign taking up the screen.

“How much sleep did you get last night, Tim?” The only response is the normal airport chatter and sound of feet. The sign dips slightly.

“Please tell me you slept last night, Tim.”

“I slept last night.” Tim says. Neither speaks for a few seconds.

“You didn’t, did you?”

“I slept.” Tim repeats, camera turning back to where they’re waiting near the luggage pick up.

“Okay! I spy with my little eye something black.” Stephanie exclaims, spinning to grin at Tim. Tim hums in thought, camera constantly moving. This continues for a half a minute before it stops on a sitting area with people in it. The people are blurred, of course, but the colors can still be seen.

“Is it that kid’s Batman hat?” Tim asks, sounding mildly interested in the game, camera panning back to the girl.

“This is why I don’t play this game with you. You’re too good at it.” Stephanie pouts. Tim chuckles weakly.

“You aren’t that bad at it either. Here. I spy-”

“You better not go easy on me!” she threatens, pointing a finger at the camera.

“I spy something red.”

“Red, eh?” Stephanie whirls around, head turning every which way. After about forty five seconds, she points in a direction and lets out a little, “Ah hah!”.

“It’s that travel mug of coffee, isn’t it!” The camera turns and zooms in on someone typing away on a laptop, a red travel mug next to them.

“I told you that you're good.” Tim compliments, smile evident in his voice. The camera switches to a too close close-up of Steph’s face, large grin and blue eyes nearly sparkling with joy. Tim zooms out instantly.

“Good work, you two.” Bruce says. The camera once again turns and travels up, Bruce’s smiling face appearing. “I’ve got one. I spy with my little eye, something black.”

“There are so many black things though…” Stephanie grumbles. It takes about a minute, but Tim focuses the camera in on the baggage claim. Steph lets out an excitedly surprised gasp seconds later. Someone looks up and smiles at the camera as it bounces towards them. It’s a girl with black hair and dark eyes of Asian descent. She gives a small wave and smiles before picking up her suitcase.

“Cass!” Tim and Steph somehow shout at the same time as the stop in front of her. She gives them a large smile. Steph jumps her with a hug, which Cass accepts, wrapping her free arm around her. Cass nuzzled the side of Steph’s head before they separated. She turns to the camera, free arm open for a hug. The camera is handed off to someone and Tim envelopes Cass in a hug. Tim buries his head into Cass’ neck, nearly looking like he is holding on for dear life.

“Missed you, Cass.” he mumbles.

“I will not be left out!” Stephanie cries, the camera being passed off again. Cass sets down her bag as Steph hugs both Cass and Tim.

“Missed you too.” Cass says quietly after a minute of hugging. Bruce clears his throat and the three separate, huge grins on all their faces. Bruce steps into frame, sign held in front of his chest. Cass looks up slightly, her smile growing larger at the sign.

“Dami?” she asks.

“Yes, he made it. Damian was quite upset that he couldn’t come with today, so he made this for me to bring along.” Bruce explains, lowering the sign.

“Love it.” Cass says as she wraps Bruce in a hug. The man hands the sign to Steph before nearly encompassing Cass in his arms.

“Welcome home, Cassandra.” Bruce says, his low voice soothing. His smile grows wider and his eyes soften as he looks down at his daughter. She looks back at him from where she is in his hug, giving a single, solid nod.

* * *

“Tim and I have a meeting to attend to, but we’ll be home in time for dinner.” Bruce says as he exits the front passenger seat. Tim lets out a sigh and the camera swirls to him. He’s where he was sitting before, Cass sitting in the middle seat.

“I don’t think I’ll be back in time for dinner. All see you all later tonight.” Tim says, exiting the vehicle and shutting the door. The camera turns back to Bruce who’s staring at where Tim was. The man turns to Alfred and gives him a small smile.

“We’ll _both_ be back in time for dinner.” he reaffirms, shutting the door. The car is silent for ten seconds. The camera turns to Cassandra who has shifted over to Tim’s unoccupied seat.

“Will the two Misses be accompanying me to pick up Master Damian?” Alfred asks as he signals and pulls out into traffic. Cass smiles and nods once.

“Of course! The little gremlin will be so happy to see Cass. Gotta capture that on camera.” Steph replies.

“Cute.” Cass says.

* * *

The view switches to show the interior from the front of the vehicle, angled from above. Part of Alfred’s head could be seen and the girls in the back could _just_ be seen, since the focus of the camera is the back three seats.

“Young Master Damian is approaching the car.” Alfred is heard saying before the sound of a door opens and closes, the man disappearing from view.

“Ready, Cass?” Steph asks. The girl in question nods. A few seconds later, the back passenger side door opens and a green backpack is tossed across the seats to the other side. Damian slides in shortly after, the door closing behind him. The boy buckles in, crossing his arms with a huff afterwards. He stares out the window, obviously displeased.

“How was your day at school, Master Damian?” Alfred inquires, getting into the car.

“Pointless. School is a complete waste of my time.” he scoffs. Cassandra’s head slowly rises from behind Damian, Stephanie’s from behind the middle seat.

“There are much better ways to spend my time than sitting around lear-”

“School good.” Cass pipes up as she wraps her arms around Damian. The kid stiffens immediately, head whipping around with wide eyes to see who had snuck up on him.

“Cassandra!” he exclaims, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Don’t forget about me!” Steph says, jumping over the middle seat.

Damian’s smile instantly turns into a frown. “Brown.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Damian! Aren’t you happy Cass is here?” Stephanie crowds the boy’s personal space. Damian makes to respond, but isn’t able to.

“I hate to interrupt, but you all must take your seats now.” Alfred interjects. Steph unbuckles Damian and scoots to the other side of the car.

“Why did you-” Damian is shoved into the middle seat as Cass creeps into the space between him and the door.

“Hey!” he shouts as Stephanie and Cassandra buckle in. “That’s my seat, Ca-”

The two girls ignore him as Steph passes Damian’s buckle over to Cass, who buckles him in. Damian begins blushing, crossing his arms and hunkering into the seat.

“I can buckle myself just fine.” he grumbles, a pout on his lips. A smile blooms on Cass’ own face as she wraps her arms around Damian, the kid jostling slightly but not fighting back.

“Missed you, baby brother.” Cass says, eyes closed as she nuzzles at Damian. Damian leans into the touch as Steph giggles.

“I missed you too, Cassandra.” Damian closes his eyes, settling into the embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes.
> 
> Also, I love seeing you all interact in the comments below! Feel free to comment on other people's comments! Get a conversation started! The characters will definitely read all the comments below! BTW, next Reading Your Comments chapter is next! Get your comments in now!


	10. Reading Your Comments 2!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reading Your Comments 2!!!
> 
> Thumbnail: Tim is sitting on a couch confused, Steph and Dick to the left and someone behind him to the right. Steph has a cookie shoved in Tim's face and the person to the right of him has a thermos shoved in his face. To the right on the couch is a pile of peanut butter jars and a bag of white stuff. Tim is staring confusedly at the cat in his lap.
> 
> Posted on: December 14th, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *stares at chapter* Welp, here's this monstrosity. Caps in at about twenty pages.  
> *stares at chapter again* ...what have I done???

“Man, what a view.” J’s voice rings out. The view is from the top of a snow covered hill, five columns of packed down snow decorating it down to the flat bottom. The snow is glittering under the cloudy sky. There’s a wooded area maybe a mile away, a small iced over pond near it. J, presumably holding the camera, turns around and there is a small fire in a pit going strong. The pit is made of stones and the snow is packed down in a large circle surrounding it. There are five people nearby chatting.

The tallest of the five is wearing a bright blue winter jacket with dark blue stripes on the arms and sides along with bright blue snow pants. The person, Dick Grayson, is wearing black boots, black gloves, and a black beanie. He has an arm wrapped around the shortest figure, who is bundled up as best as can be. The figure is wearing a coat as blue as the person next to them, except they have blocks of black on their sides and the pockets are a bright green. The hood is up covering their head and a homemade, bright yellow fleece scarf with birds on it is tightly wrapped around their neck and mouth. From the narrowed eyes and crossed arms, it is safe to assume it is Damian. He has on bright red mittens matching his bright red snow pants along with black boots. There is a neon green sled sticking out of the snow behind them.

On the other side of the fire, three figures of similar height stand. The one closest to the camera, and has their back to it, is wearing an eggplant purple coat, black snow boots, black snow pants, black gloves, a loose batgirl scarf and patterned pom pom hat, blonde hair flowing out from under it. The person next to them has on a black, form fitting ski-jacket, black snow pants, black boots and gloves, along with a batgirl beanie and black scarf. They turn and it is apparent that the person is Cassandra Wayne. There are two more neon green sleds sticking out of the ground behind her.

The last person is also bundled up fairly well, wearing a tasteful white jacket and black snow pants. They’re also wearing a black winter skull cap pulled over their ears with a black ski mask covering their mouth and nose. They lift up the tinted goggles and pull down the mask to reveal Tim. He is smiling at the two girls beside him, one arm cradling a black helmet and the other resting on top of, presumably, a snowboard with a mountain design on the back. His black gloved hands adjust the black scarf around his neck, feet shifting in black snowboarding boots.

“You do know we’re on a sledding hill, right?” J asks dubiously.

“It’s still big enough to be considered a bunny hill which is good enough for me,” Tim replies, eyes directed at the camera.

“Not a snowboarder, Timmy?” J asks patronizingly.

Tim frowns minutely, “You kidding? Aspen Mountain is my ride. Highlands will be too if I get my way.” Tim snarks back. Dick chuckles from where he stands next to Damian.

“No hurt,” Cass says, turning to Tim.

“I wouldn’t get hurt, Cass! I do the advanced trails all the time on the Mountain,” he protests.

Stephanie cackles, back to the camera, “You usually end up breaking something though! Face it Tim, you’re accident prone with a capital a and p.”

“Not always,” Tim huffs.  The camera zooms in on Dick and Damian.

“Anyway, do you really want me to read  _ all _ these comments?” J inquires.

“Yeah, why?” Dick asks, grabbing the sled from behind him, an arm still slung around Damian.

“There’s way more comments than last time. What’re you going to do if there get to be too many?”

“I don’t want to pick and choose,” Dick whines, “that seems mean.”

“You cannot respond to  _ everyone _ , Grayson.” Damian chastises the older man.

“We will for as long as we can,” he replies. The screen swivels to show Cass and Steph already on a sled and ready to go.

“Hey! Ya can’t leave until I read a couple comments,” J demands. Stephanie lets out an exaggerated groan, throwing her head back. Cass giggles from in front of her.

“Grayson, I’m not going down,” Damian is heard saying from behind.

“‘Kay. Gonna start with the latest video. Lin says, ‘ Omg Dami is so cute! Why can’t he accept it?’” J reads in a bored tone.

“I am not cute!” Damian yells in the background, voice going up an octave.

“But you’re the cutest, Dami!” Dick squeals. Cass leans back on Steph as the two laugh.

“Mari asks, ‘Why is Cass not in Gotham more often?’ followed by frowntown stating, ‘I’ve been wondering that too. What does she do overseas?’” The camera zooms in on Cass’ smiling face.

“Helping branch,” she says.

“How is the WE Hong Kong branch going, by the way?” Tim asks, part of him coming on frame. Cassandra gives a thumbs up.

“Does that mean you’ll be able to visit more?” Steph sets her chin on Cass’s shoulder. The response she receives is a shrug.

“Next is Sarourat who says- Hey!” J begins only to cut himself off. The girls have pushed off and are flying down the hill.

“Grayson!”

“Keep reading, J!” Dick encourages. The camera pans to the left to show Dick sitting with a squirmy Damian in a sled, lined up to go down the track.

“Fine,” he grumbles, “Sarourat says, ‘ Damian is the perfect fusion of softness and grumpiness. My heart can't handle it.’ Pfft…”

“Why do people keep saying that?!” Damian makes to lunge out of the sled, but Dick wraps an arm around him before pushing off. The camera follows them, showing them going down the hill with Dick’s laughter and Damian’s screeching. Cassandra and Stephanie are at the bottom, walking their way up the furthest left track. Tim is suddenly center screen as he pulls up his face mask.

“You going, runt?”

“If anyone’s the runt, it’s Damian,” Tim replies.

“He is until he surpasses you in height,” J laughs.

Tim stares blankly, clearly unamused, “I’m leaving you now.”

“Sarourat comments, ‘ Can someone knock Tim unconscious please, this boi needs sleep’” J reads, amused.

“I have been sleeping!” Tim narrows his eyes.

“Sure you have, Tim.” Steph remarks, throwing an arm around the teen.

“‘ Anyone else in love with Steph’s adorable charm? I feel like everyone needs a Stephanie Brown in their life,’ says Sarourat.” J suddenly says.

Stephanie’s face lights up, “Aw, thanks!”.

“ Sarourat also says, ‘Cassandra Wayne is a literal sunshine, sorry I don’t make the rules,’ and ‘I stan one queen and her name is Cassandra Wayne’” Tim’s eyes widen slightly and his head dips a tad.

“ _ Queen _ ?” he sounds offended on Cass’ behalf, “You mean  _ empress _ .”

It’s Stephanie’s turn to look at Tim, arm still around his shoulder, yet upper torso leaning away, “ _ Empress _ ? You mean  _ Goddess _ , Timothy.”

“‘But is it like Greek stuff and she’s the empress of gods, the Goddess of empresses, or is she just a Goddess? That’s the real question,’ replies ima reader not a writer,” Jason reads.

Stephanie points at the camera, “Touche”.

“Thank you, for that wonderful rendition of ima reader not a writer and frowntown’s conversation. Alfie would be proud,” J remarks sarcastically.

“While Cain is not a queen, she is the best of the best,” Damian pipes up, popping into frame. Cass appears behind Tim and Steph, head where their bodies meet at Tim’s shoulder. Cass’s gloved hand goes to her mouth, her fingers touching her lips. She then moves it downward towards the camera with a dazzling smile.

“You don’t understand what we’re saying, do you?” Tim asks with a soft laugh as he stares at Damian.

“Of course I do! What are you insinuating, Drake?!” Damian fists his hands at his sides, back to the camera.

“Sarourat adds on, ‘My day went from frowny face to smiley face after watching this. It also shows how very gay I am ‘cause I want Cass to hug me with those arms,’” Dick reads.

“Hey! Get your own phone to read off of!” J shouts, camera shaking a little. Cass gives a coy smile and flexes her arms, Tim and Steph having parted ways for her. No one can see her muscles since she has her winter jacket on though.

“‘Yes! Gimme! More! Soft! Family! Content!!!’ says Sarourat,” Dick punctuates each exclamation with a clap.

“Pfft. Family content? Who wants that boring stuff,” J comments. Steph and Cass tug at Tim to let go of his snowboard as Damian stares at them in boredom.

“‘God is real and his name is Alfred Pennyworth!’ Sarourat continues,” Dick declares.

“Well, I can’t find fault there,” J says. Damian has joined the fray and is tugging at Cass’s jacket sleeve.

“If Cass is queen of the manor, then Alfred is  _ definitely _ the king!” Steph chirps as she gets Tim to drop his snowboard and helmet.

“Steph!” Tim protests.

“All hail king Alfred!” Dick cheers.

“The  _ real _ head of this household,” is barely able to be heard from J. The view shakes a bit. “Hey, *beep* off! I’m the one reading the comments here!” Stephanie is wrestling Tim into a sled while Damian and Cassandra are setting up a sled in another track.

“J…” Dick whines.

“C’mon, Tim! Down the hill we go!” Steph states as she pushes off, Tim pinned under her. Cass and Damian push off to the sound of Stephanie cackling and Tim yelling. The view shifts a little to show the pairs flying down the hill, Cass and Damian never getting ahead of the two teenagers.

“Applejee says, ‘Cass is my favorite now, no take backs!!! Her family clearly loves her so much! Sobbing emoji. The sign Damian made.... Does Cass do ballet? In any case we stan!’ We stan with you, applejee!” Dick says excitedly. The two pairs have reached the bottom of the hill.

“And, yeah, Cass’ favorite hobby is ballet. She likes dance in general, but ballet is her favorite.”

J lets out a huff, “I’m always last to find out about these types of things.”

“Dami’s sign was so cute, right?!” Dick continued on, “Cass has it hanging up in her room now.”

“Hey, *beeeeeep*,” J begins.

Dick dramatically gasps, “J! How rude!”

“Yeah, whatever, *beeeep*, go get that sled.”

“What’s the magic word?” Dick sing songs.

“There is not any plausible way we are related to bananas, Brown.” Damian says from a ways away.

“Go *beep* yourself.” J tells Dick.

“No, we really are! About sixty percent of our DNA is shared with bananas!” Steph’s voice carries.

“Preposterous!” Damian exclaims.

“That would make us all cannibals then,” Tim says. The camera slowly turns to show the group of four walking up the left most track.

“What the *beep* are they talking about?” J whispers in mock horror. Suddenly, Tim is tumbling back down the hill.

“ _ You’re _ a cannibal, Drake.” Damian scoffs, continuing up the mountain with a sled as Steph and Cass hop in the other one to get to Tim.

“Did you just *beeeeep* Tim down the hill?” J asks incredulously.

“Little D, that’s not very nice,” Dick admonishes as he meets Damian at the top of the hill.

“I never said I did. The cretin simply tripped over his own two feet.” The camera zooms in on the trio at the bottom of the hill. Cass is helping Tim to his feet as Stephanie brushes snow off of him.

“You alright, Tim?!” Dick hollers down. Tim looks up with a wave.

“Yeah! Accidentally tripped on a hidden branch in the snow!”

“Hey, Dami! This next comment is about you!” Dick states excitedly. The trio start their trek up the hill, the camera turning to show Damian and Dick by the fire. J lets out a scoff but approaches.

“Owlover1 said, “ Aww there family is just so cute, also Damian’s art skills. Wow it looked so pretty,’” Dick reads off a phone. Damian seems to stand straighter at the comment.

“Well of course, I _am_ a talented artist after all,” he boasts. Dick knocks elbows with the kid.

“Now, Little D, that’s not how you respond to a compliment. Remember what I told you?” Dick says slowly. Damian hunches a bit.

“Thank you,” he grits out.

“Ima reader not a writer added on, ‘ Damian’s art is great, private tutor? Or is it just one of those rich kids “oh I taught myself because I was bored” kinda scenarios?’” Dick reads more.

“Demon spawn is just naturally talented when it comes to art,” Tim comments as he approaches the opposite side of the fire. “I don’t think any of us have learned stuff because we were bored. We all have our own likes and hobbies, hobbies that we spend time on. Like Dick and his acrobatics or Cass and ballet.”

“Nicely put, Timbo,” Steph wraps an arm around Tim. Damian sniffs and heads for the hill with a sled, camera following.

“Frowntown added, ‘I don't think I could make a sign look half as good as he did. Smiley face with a sweat drop,’” Dick reads as he passes the camera, handing the phone to a large, black gloved hand.

“Of course. Few can compare to my artistic talents,” Damian tosses the sled onto a track and steps into it.

“Let me join you, Dami!” Dick steps in behind the boy as he sits. Damian tutts at him but doesn’t say anything else. Dick pushes off and down they go. The camera whips around to face Tim who is sitting on the snow next to Cassandra as Steph stands nearby.

“Did you  _ really _ trip over a branch, Timbers?” J inquires harshly.

Tim pulls down his mask and smiles, waving a hand in the air as if to brush the words away, “Was one hundred percent me this time.”

“Are we still on comments from the previous video? Stephanie asks.

“Just two more. Catharina2003 said, ‘This is amazing, Damian is so cute,’” J begins.

Tim snorts, “I don’t see it.”

“And ima reader not a writer commented, ‘Cute blushing baby of the fam, do we stan a grumpy marshmallow? Yes, yes we do, or at least I do.’”

Stephanie bursts out laughing, “Oh my god, he is totally a grumpy marshmallow, especially with all the layers he has on!”

“That’s it for the video, Cass is Back. Next we have some comments from the Floor is Lava video,” J says with a sigh.

“I can take over for a bit if you want,” Tim offers.

“Snowboard?” Cass inquires, tilting her head to the side.

“In a little bit. I think J could use a break.”

* * *

Tim is sitting in a sled in front of the fire, head clear of any coverings, camera level with him. He gives a single wave with his empty hand.

“Hey, guys. J needs a break so I’ll be reading some comments. These comments are from the floor is lava video. First up is,” he looks down to his phone, “JustFlyingBi who says, ‘You guys should totally do the bird box challenge. Or a variation of it. Or play the game Werewolf on screen. It's not really a challenge but I think it would be fun to watch. And it's kind of a detective game and you get to lie and accuse people of being werewolves and stuff. I feel like it'd be fun for the family.’”

Tim looks up at the camera with a cheerful smile, “We could probably do a variation of it. The bird box challenge was kind of banned on MeTube at the beginning of the year, so we’ll try something with minimal risk of injury that’s similar. Werewolf sounds like it’d be a fun thing to try. This one time we tried to play Mafia, but Bruce didn’t like it so Mafia is banned in the Manor. Werewolf could be a good substitute. Thanks for the suggestion, I’ll make sure to look into it!”

He looks back to the phone, his other hand idly making a ball of snow, “Their comment continues, ‘Also, is Dick dating anyone? Yo. Why is Tim so upset about the Red Robin lock screen? Is he a fan or something? Oh my god. He totally is! But who isn't? I love the whole Batfam. I guess this is the wrong channel though. Sorry for the long comment. I am just here for the ride. Winky smiley face?’”

Tim raises his head again, this time his face is scrunched a little, “I don’t  _ think _ Dick is currently dating anyone. He usually tells us if he is, but he hasn’t said anything since his last relationship ended awhile back. It’s not really anyone’s business but his though. As for Steph's lock screen,” he gives a weak chuckle, “I was just surprised that something like that was on Red Hood’s channel. The guy kind of gave off the impression it was his channel and he wouldn’t let others on it. And while I  _ am _ a fan of Red Robin, I actually like the other vigilantes more. It’s nothing against him, it’s just that the others have been around longer.”

Tim frowns, “Except Robin. I don’t really like the current Robin. Red Robin is  _ totally _ better than him.”

“You have terrible taste, Drake. The current Robin is  _ obviously _ the best Robin and vigilante,” Damian walks on screen, standing next to Tim, only his legs visible. Tim briefly glances up at Damian before looking back to his phone.

“Applejee said, ‘Watching this family's shenanigans is so fun, lol! They look like they've had a lot of practice at this, I wonder if any of them have experience with parkour?? Waynes, share your secrets!!!’” Tim reads.

Damian stomps a foot, hands fisted at his sides, “Don’t ignore me, Drake!”

“Glad you like the videos, applejee! We enjoy making them.”

“Speak for yourself, Drake.”

“We have  _ some _ experience with parkour. Dick likes to show off his acrobatic skills in places other than a gym, leading to us wanting to do it too,” Tim continues. Damian huffs and walks off screen.

“Catharina2003 comments, ‘Damian fighting his way off Bruce's lap is SOOO CUTE.’”

There is a sudden roar as a blue and red blur tackles Tim to the ground.

“What are you two- NOT BY THE FIRE!” Dick’s panicked yell is heard as the two boys wrestle in the snow.

* * *

On-screen, Dick is adjusting Damian’s scarf. Stephanie and Cassandra are getting a sled ready at the edge of the screen.

“Ima reader not a writer commented, ‘This was awesome, what do you mean it wasn’t much?!’” Tim says from off screen.

“Well, yeah, it wasn’t bad, but we’ve played the floor is lava before and those were  _ crazy _ . I know we can do much better. Besides, have you  _ seen _ some of the floor is lava videos here on MeTube? No holds barred!” Dick says, never looking away from his task.

“‘Damian is a hidden cinnamon roll. Somehow, he always looks adorable in every situation. I want more of the little gremlin in adorable situations’ Danielalover123 says.” Tim says.

“I am not a breakfast pastry. I do not see why you would call me such. And I am NOT adorable, do not call me that!” Damian shouts, turning around.

“But you ARE adorable, Dami,” Dick hugs him from behind, “He is not a gremlin though, Danielalover123.”

“I am not adorable!”

“We can’t feed him after midnight though,” J adds in from off-screen. Dick pouts at the camera while Damian tries to duck under his arms.

“Total gremlin,” Steph laughs at the edge of the screen as she pushes off down the hill with Cass.

“They go on to say, ‘Brucie Wayne, I adore you, keep making Damian's Cinnamon Roll more adorable and cuddly.’”

“I am not a breakfast pastry!” Damian yells as he escapes from Dick and dashes a few yards away.

“Continuing, ‘Dick is like an excitable puppy and I just want to pet him.’”

“Thanks, but please don’t pet me!” Dick says as he chases Damian through the snow.

“You hit that one on the nose, Daniela,” J says.

“‘J, you're a *beeep*,’” Tim remarks.

“What did you just say, *beeeeeeeeep*?!” J says, voice low and threatening. On screen, Dick tackles Damian into the snow.

“Grayson!” the kid yells, flat on his stomach in the snow.

“It was the comment, it was the comment!” Tim rushes out in front of the camera, his hands out in a placating manner but grinning. A low, threatening growl comes from J.

“Oh, if I’m a *beeep*, then-”

“J! Language! If you’re going to swear, go down the hill,” Dick chastises, arms wrapped around Damian’s chest and dragging the kicking kid over to a sled.

“Anyway,” Tim continues, a bit nervous sounding, “Tim Wayne is a mood, I confirm. And Steph? Steph is a bAMF.’”

“Hear that, Cass? I’ve been acknowledged as a bad*bep* mother*beeeep*!” Stephanie cheers as she appears on screen.

“Language,” Cass rebukes, appearing just as the oldest and youngest of her siblings disappear down the hill.

“Sarourat commented, ‘ Steph literally stepped up her game on that one lmao,’” Tim reads as Stephanie and Cassandra stand next to him, huddled around the phone.

Stephanie lets out a maniacal giggle, Tim and Cass slowly turning their heads to blankly look at her at the same time. The camera zooms in. They stare as she continues to giggle for a solid half a minute.

“Oh, oh, ha. Oh…” Steph calms down.

“Are you done?” Tim asks blandly. The two with black hair blink at her.

“I don’t just step up my game, I step up my life!” She points at the camera with a grin, “Always try to one up yourself!”

“Amen!” J exclaims. Cass and Tim exchange looks before directing their attention back to the phone.

“And the last comment on the floor is lava video is from imbackboi, who said, ‘Jason must be laughing his butt off in heaven. I vote tag! Monster tag. Flashlight tag. Freeze tag. Tag tag...’” Tim slowly trails off as he reads along. He stares at the phone, Cass wrapping her arm around him. Steph frowns and wraps Tim in a hug, taking the phone from him.

“Why ya so down, Timmers? Pretty sure you didn’t even know the guy,” J says.

Tim looks up and gives J a weak smile. “Yeah… we never met as brothers, but I did kind of know him from galas we both had to attend. He was a cool guy. I really wish we could have gotten to know each other better.”

Cassandra removes her arm and gives him a nudge. Tim stumbles forward, turning to look at her in confusion. She raises one eyebrow and points somewhere off screen. Tim follows her direction and his face lights up at what he sees.

“Show us some of your moves, Tim!” Steph says, hands thrown in the air.

“Give me a sec to get ready.” Tim flashes a smirk over in their direction before making his way off screen. Stephanie marches up to the camera, face filling the screen.

“Hey!” J protests, camera shaking.

“Jason is a touchy topic, especially for Bruce, Dick, Alfred and Tim. You’re welcome to ask questions if you want, but they might not answer,” Steph says firmly.

“It’s no double black diamond, but it’ll have to do,” Tim is heard off-screen.

“While you get ready, Cass and I are going to read some of the comments from the egg roulette video.” Steph replies.

“And I’m just chop liver in the end…” J sighs. The two girls focus on the camera and step closer.

“Important.” Cass points straight at the screen.

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“Frowntown wrote, ‘ I wonder if Timmy got that wet towel for Damian and not himself??? He didn't seem that mad when Damian took it. On a side note, that kid has some anger issues,’” Steph reads from the phone. Cass leans against the girl.

“I don’t know how they could even suggest such a thing,” Tim says, “kid  _ obviously _ stole my wash cloth.”

Cass’ eyes dart to somewhere off screen, “Liar.”

“You take that back!” Tim demands. Steph rolls her eyes and looks back down to the phone.

“Let’s see… JustFlyingBi says, ‘Bro. So many egg jokes. These guys needed to stop telling egg jokes a long tamago. I couldn't help myself.’ I don’t get it, what’s tamago?” Steph asks Cass. The girl shrugs her shoulders.

“Tamago is basically a Japanese omelet. Tastes delicious.” J buts in.

“‘This is amazing and the egg jokes are killing me. Some fun challenges might be the “Try not to laugh” challenge and the “100 layer challenge,”’ Catharina2003 commented. Thank you, thank you,” Steph bowed twice, “I take all the credit for the jokes. Dick may claim to be the funniest of this bunch, but I reign supreme!”

“What are you talking about?!  _ I _ reign supreme!” Dick marches on screen, Damian lounging in the sled he is pulling.

“I don’t think those challenges are on the list, I’ll add them if they aren’t already.” Tim says as he slides across the screen in front of the others to the tracks.

“Dot dot dot said, ‘lmao with a bunch of emojis’, and EKat18 wrote out in type emoji, ‘Heart Heart Heart Heart’.” Steph read.

“I like that username, period period period. Brevity is the soul of wit, after all,” J says.

“What would you know about wit, *beeeep*.” Damian says from where he lays in the sled.

“More than you know, midget,” J snaps back. Damian casts a glare at the camera before sniffing, tutting and shifting his attention to Tim.

“Are you going to snowboard, Tim?” Dick asks, turning to the boy with a large smile.

“Yep,” is the somewhat muffled reply. Damian sits up in the sled and stares intently at the teen. The camera moves so Tim is the main focus. He’s leaning down, fastening his back foot in it’s binding.

“Show us your moves, Tim!” Steph cheers from off-screen as Tim stands back up. He gives the girl a thumbs up before he leans forward on the board, descending the hill. The track was maybe six feet wide, wide enough for Tim to start showing off a little further down the hill. He leans back and springs into the air before landing an ollie. Right after landing the ollie, he went back in the air for a back one hundred eighty degree spin. A few seconds after landing that trick, he flips his board back with a butter nose roll. As he closes in on the bottom of the hill, he does a frontal three hundred sixty degree spin, landing and pulling to a stop a few yards away.

“Nice job, Tim!” Dick calls, accompanied by Steph’s hoots and clapping from multiple people. The figure of Tim takes a bow. The camera zooms out and is positioned to face the majority of the people again. Stephanie, Cassandra and Dick are still clapping while Damian gazes curiously down at Tim from in the sled.

“And now back to our regularly scheduled programming. David123456789, I’m just gonna call you David, commented, ‘Absolutely fantastic content! You guys are amazing! This really made my day’.”

Dick’s head turns to face the camera, a pleased smile on his face, “Thanks! You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that!”

Steph reads off the phone in her hands, “Ducky Dynasty said, ‘Feel like Damian is going to murder Tim at this point.’ Nah, Bruce wouldn’t let that happen. Also, nice picture of Spoiler! She’s my favorite of the Gotham vigilantes.”

“Applejee says, 'OMG the tension is palpable.... I love this purple girl. She is my new fave?? Also, we know Dick Grayson is an acrobat, who wouldn't by now, is there any chance we could see him showing off his skills? And the rest of his family having a go too!’” J says.

Steph pumps a fist in the air, “I beat the Waynes! Thank you sooo much, applejee!”

“I’d be more than happy to do a video showcasing my acrobatics! I’ve taught my siblings some already too! Oh, that video will be so fun!” Dick exclaims.

“HalloweenEva said, ‘No wait what was her background???’” J continues.

“You mean…  _ this _ background?!” Stephanie throws her hands up in front of her and an image of a passed out Red Robin on a cot fills the screen, head lolled to the side, a hand hanging over the edge with the other resting on his stomach. Besides his domino mask, his face was adorned with a large and magnificent handlebar mustache along with “Red Hood” written on his forehead, “Was” written on one cheek, and “Here” written on the other.

“I still can’t believe you made  _ that _ your lock screen,” Tim is heard. The image disappears and Tim walks on screen, snowboard in hand. Damian isn’t on screen anymore.

“That was great, Timmy!” Dick gushes as he hugs the teen.

“Absolutely great!” Steph cheers.

“Not bad, Timbo,” J says.

“Good job,” Cass pats his shoulder.

Tim lifts his goggles and lowers his mask, “Eh, it was alright. If we had a bigger hill or some ramps and jumps, I could do some of the more complex moves. I did what I could with the space and angle of the hill.”

As Tim sets his snowboard straight up in a snowbank near the very edge of the left side of the screen, Steph reads, “TheFairMaidenofFandom says, ‘Please give us more puns and Tim content! I love them! Also, I heard Tim was friends with Clark Kent's cousin? Could he come in for a video? Maybe you guys could do something with all three of them? Tim, Kent, and that orange-haired kid they're always with? Thanks!’ Dot dot dot replied, “Yesss, I too wish for more of Tim, orange haired kid and Kent!’ Frowntown then said, ‘Now that you mention it, Tim is seen with those two quite a bit. I think that there's a girl too???’ Which thefairmaidenoffandom replied, ‘Oh yeahhh the blonde girl!’”

Tim is staring at Stepanie, seemingly gobsmacked, “I- uh… I'd have to ask them if- if they’re okay with it.”

“Why so shocked, Timmy?” Dick asked.

Tim bright a gloved hand up to his chin, “ I never really thought about dragging friends into this chaos…”

“What am I?!” Stephanie throws her hands up in exasperation. Two hands reach on screen and Tim’s snowboard is suddenly gone.

“Family,” Cass tells her as she wraps Steph in a hug from behind.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Tim. Our friends have already experienced the chaos that is the Wayne family, and voluntarily come back to experience more. I don’t see the problem.” Dick wraps an arm around Tim’s shoulders, giving a firm squeeze.

“I think we’re going to spend some time just sledding and snowboarding now. See you afterwards!” Dick tells the camera. Something must have caught Tim’s eye, as his head suddenly darts up.

“Get your grubby paws off my snowboard, demon!” Tim runs off screen.

* * *

Stephanie, Cassandra, Damian and Dick are sitting at the kitchen island, left to right. Leaning up against the counters closest to Dick are Tim and Bruce. Everyone has a red mug of something in front of them. 

“Ahh… Nothing like Alfred’s special hot chocolate after spending so much time in the snow,” Dick sinks down in his chair with a happy sigh.

“How were the tracks?“ Bruce asks, taking a sip from his mug.

“They were great!” Dick replies.

“Until Grayson built a lump on one of them,” Damian grumbles.

“Did you enjoy sledding, Damian?” Bruce asks, smiling brightly at his youngest.

Damian refuses to look at him, “It was alright. I can see how children would enjoy it.”

“Finish video?” Cass asks.

“Let’s wrap it up,” Tim says as he grabs a few marshmallows from a bag and places them in his cup.

“LittleDarlingDevil commented on the previous reading comments video, ‘I LOVE THIS!!!!’, and EKat18 typed out in emojis, ‘Heart Heart Heart Heart,’” reads J from off screen.

“Aw~ Thanks!” Dick made a heart with his hands over his heart, a large grin on his face as he shoves the heart at the camera.

“Caq Marina said, ‘Poor Tim, always getting picked on by the others... A-’” Steph read from her own phone.

“We don’t pick on Tim!” Dick protests.

“Let me finish! Ahem. ‘Also who's this J-man?? Is he... An ALIEN??? Please tell me he's an alien,’” Stephanie reads. J bursts out laughing from behind the camera.

“Oh- oh that’s good! An alien!” The camera shakes with his laughter.

“We don’t pick on you! Right, Tim?” Dick asks like he already knows the answer. Tim simply sips at his hot chocolate, mug blocking his face.

“Tim!” Dick cries, sinking onto the counter. J starts laughing again.

“Not alien,” Cass says with an amused smile.

“We don’t pick on Timmy!” Dick vehemently denies, face screwed up in a pout.

“Have some pride, Grayson.” Damian remarks, glancing at the man in disgust. Bruce chuckles and wraps an arm around Tim’s shoulders, causing the teen to startle slightly.

“Dot dot dot says, ‘Tim is me. I too live on coffee and spite alone,’” J reads. Tim raises his mug to the camera and takes a sip.

“Oh, Tim.” Steph chuckles.

Steph reads, “Ima reader not a writer said, ‘I was laughing the whole time lol this is hilarious,’” she cackles, “‘50k plus likes for you all! Laughing crying emoji. Also don’t worry, Tim, I also love coffee. Coffee emoji.’”

“Cheers to you as well,” Tim smiles slightly, raising his mug to the camera again.

“Bear,” Cassandra declares, staring into her mug.

“Ahh… Lucky you, Cass!” Stephanie peers into Cass’ mug. Cass tilts her mug to the camera. The cameraman steps closer with the camera. It takes a second, but the camera focuses on the figure inside the mug. It’s a little brown bear peering up, wearing a santa hat and a red coat.

“Cute,” J says.

“Me too, J! Me too!” Dick demands. A hand suddenly grabs at the camera, dragging it over to another mug.

“Hey! Watch it, *beeeeeep*!” J tells him.

“Don’t smudge the lens!” Tim protests. The figure in the new mug is a little reindeer with a tiny santa hat and a bell around its neck.

“Isn’t it adorable?!” Dick gushes.

“Hands off!” J yanks the camera out of Dick’s grip and backs away.

‘Denia’s Blog said, ‘Jajaja, Damian is Dick's favorite. CHANGE MY MIND. Oh geezz, the people exaggerate, I drink as much coffee as Tim, even more, and look at me! Cool like aloe vera. Oh look, a unicorn, the dreams are real’. ErinlynnDoblecolor replied, ‘Wow, easy buddy.’” J says.

“First of all, we can’t change your mind because it's true.” Stephanie says, holding up one finger.

“I don’t have favorites!” Dick cries, draping himself dramatically over Damian.

“Get. Off.” Damian shoves him off with his shoulder.

“Second,” she holds up a second finger only to point both at the camera, “Easy on the coffee if you’re seeing unicorns. I will say that they are the most majestic being in non-existence, but it is concerning is you're seeing unicorns.”

“What coffee do you drink?” Tim inquires, popping a marshmallow in his mouth.

“Nope. You don’t need more brands of coffee,” Bruce removes his arm from Tim’s shoulders and ruffles the teen’s hair. His hair ends up staying in that mussed up state, Tim making no move to fix it.

J chuckles, “Hey, get a load of this comment, the pacman colon lowercase v (:v) comments, ‘This channel sucks! You are just some rich little *beeeeeep* who think the world is your *beeep*. You are not special! Red Hood's videos are better, because he is great. Not like you! Greater than sign, colon, lower case b (>:b)’” He couldn’t hold in his laughter and let out a full belly laugh, his deep voice giving it a charming quality.

Stephanie is biting at her lower lip to hold in a laugh of her own, Cass is frowning, Damian has bristled and scowls at the camera, Dick seems to be in shock, Tim sighs and lets his head drop and Bruce, Bruce seems very surprised.

“Mean,” Cass firmly states.

“Oh mY GOD! OuR fIrSt HaTe CoMmEnT!!!” Dick is out of his seat, hands curled up into fists beside his face. Bruce, Cassandra and Damian all stare at him like he has lost his mind.

“Bad,” Cass says.

“Our videos are  _ much _ better than that cretin’s,” Damian sniffs.

“That’s not nice, Dami,” Steph lightly giggles.

“I know, I know. Hate comments  _ are _ bad, Cass, it’s just- It’s our first hate comment! How can I  _ not _ be excited?!” Dick is nearly vibrating in excitement.

“If you need to let out energy, the kitchen isn’t a good place to do it, Dick,” Bruce kindly tells his eldest.

“I know,” Dick quickly sits back on his stool, “I can wait though.”

“That wasn’t even the best part. Frowntown replied to them saying, ‘I’ll fight you on that!’” J laughs, Stephanie joining in as well.

“Okay, okay. StarAWings says, ‘Pooor Tim... always being picked on by people. He is such a cutie though. And I wonder who the gruff voice is,” Stephanie wiggles her eyebrows, “Is there a boyfriend we aren't aware of? And I agree with Tim, Dick let's Damian get away with a lot of things. Reminds me of my brother, he gets away with way too much.’”

“We  _ don’t _ pick on Tim!” Dick stands up, hands slammed on the island. He seems generally upset.

“Calm down, Dick.” Bruce says.

“How can I calm down?! They keep saying that we pick on Tim!”

Tim sets his mug down on the counter next to him before stepping next to Dick, resting a hand on his older brother’s shoulder, “I know you all just tease because we’re family, Dick. I know you aren’t picking on me.”

Dick glares at the camera for a few more seconds before wrapping Tim up in a protective hug. Bruce lets out a tired sigh from the counter.

“Um… Okay. Moving on?” Steph questions.

“Moving on. ErinlynnDoblecolor commented, ‘People, since Tim don't like Timmy, I propose we call him "The intellectual raccoon", what do you think? I like this channel’. Denia’s Blog replies, ‘“The intellectual raccoon”? Huh, sounds good, but why raccoon?’ It continues with ErinlynnDoblecolor saying, ‘I think he looks a bit like a raccoon, and it sounds great’. Denia’s Blog replies, ‘Oh, it...sounds...GREAT, I like that nickname now!’” J reads.

“Why me?” can faintly be heard from Tim, head buried in Dick’s arms and chest.

“A raccoon. How fitting for trash like you, Drake.” Damian comments offhandedly.

“That was cruel, Damian,” Steph shakes her head.

“Damian, apologize,” Bruce demands, frowning at his youngest.

“Naughty,” Cassandra boops her youngest brother on the nose. Damian is taken aback by the boop, recoiling from her.

“Guess you don’t know much about raccoons, huh, twerp? They usually don’t eat out of garbage if they can help it, and raccoons are known for their intelligence,” J tells him off. Damian begins to turn red under all of the attention.

“Damian,” Dick begins. Damian quickly turns his head to face him, but Dick hasn’t lifted his head from where he has buried it next to Tim’s head. “You need to apologize to Tim. That was incredibly mean and uncalled for.”

Damian’s face scrunches up, brow furrowing. He scoots away from the island with a tut and runs out of the room.

“Damian!” Bruce rushes after him. Dick lifts his head and sighs.

“Sometimes…” Steph trails off.

Dick cradles, Tim’s face in his hands, “You know he didn’t mean it, right? He doesn’t know much better.”

Tim smiles brightly, “His words don’t bother me, Dick.”

Dick lets out a heavy sigh, “I should go talk to him. Are you okay here?”

“Of course! I have Cass and Steph and J here,” Tim reassured. Dick kept Tim’s gaze before kissing him on the forehead.

“Dick!” Tim protests, waving him off. Dick chuckles before leaving the kitchen. The room is silent for a minute.

“Are we cutting that or leaving that in?” J suddenly asks. Tim shrugs and sits down in Dick’s seat.

“It’s PR and Bruce’s choice. I still can’t believe my little rant got put in. That was embarrassing,” Tim rubs the back of his neck.

“Now?” Steph asks the camera.

“Now,” J replies, “Cass, come here and hold the camera, would ya?”

Cass tilts her head to the side but does as asked. The vantage point drops considerably. Cass takes a step forward and zooms in on Tim.

“That should do it.” J says.

“What are you up to?” Tim asks with narrowed eyes.

“So I heard you guys had a crackin’ time with egg jokes without me.” J comments.

“J. Please. No.” Tim pleads, burying his face in his arms on the counter.

“Why did the chicken lay her egg on an axe? She wanted to hatchet.” J says.

“Nooo…” Tim groans. Steph snorts off screen.

“What did the egg say to the clown? You crack me up!”

“Whhhyyy???”

* * *

Tim and Dick are sitting on a couch.

“Cass, what are we doing?” Dick asks with a chuckle, “We have to get ready to go sledding.”

“Tim!” Steph pops up between Dick and Tim behind the couch.

“Steph…?” Tim questions, looking at her.

“Come be my little brother instead, Tim!” She holds out her hand and offers Tim a cookie. Tim’s brow scrunches and leans away slightly.

“Wha-” Dick begins, only for a torso in a black shirt to appear on the other side of Tim behind the couch. Tim turned to look at them.

“No! Come be  _ my _ little brother, Tim!” J’s voice rings out, a plain thermos thrust in Tim’s face.

“Uhh…” Tim slowly leans back. Steph clambers over the couch and squeezes between Dick and Tim.

Stephanie narrows her eyes and reaches under the couch, pulling out a bag of jumbo sized marshmallows, “I’m willing to up the ante with an entire bag of jumbo marshmallows.”

Tim’s mouth drops open as he stares at the bag.

“Hold on a second-” Dick protests.

“I raise you four large jars of peanut butter!” J drops four large jars of peanut butter on the couch next to Tim, making him lean into Stephanie.

“Tim’s  _ my  _ little brother!” Dick protests with a laugh.

“ _ Five _ jars of peanut butter,” Steph tosses another jar onto the pile, “and a kitten!” She then pulls a black and whit cat out of seemingly nowhere and sets it on Tim’s lap. Tim stares at the cat as it gets comfortable in his lap. He turns his attention to the peanut butter, and then the marshmallows. He then looks to Dick who is leaning off the couch laughing.

“What just happened...?” he questions the camera, looking very concerned for his own well being.

“That, Timberly, was a bidding war for you between two commenters, gottabekiddinme,” Steph ways a hand in the air, “and frowntown played by yours truly,” J says, disappearing.

“For… me?” Tim looked somewhere off screen.

“Gee, for being a genius, you’re sure a dummy,” Steph presses up against Tim.

“I think gottabekiddinme won since frowntown didn’t reply after that. Congrats! You now have a new little brother, gottabekiddinme!” J announces.

“What?!” Dick squawks, flying up from his bent over position, “No! You can’t have Timmy!”

Dick moves to tackle Tim, but Steph tackles him first, “Don’t squish the cat!”

“Have any of you seen- Alfred! Release Alfred this  _ instant _ , Drake!” Damian demands from somewhere.”

* * *

The screen is black. White text suddenly appears on screen.

‘Whew! That sure was a lot of comments.’

The text disappears.

‘Next time we’ll have to do things a bit differently.’

Once again, the screen is blank.

‘If you have any ideas on how we could change and improve the reading your comments videos, we’re all ears!’

Blank screen.

‘Oh! I almost forgot. There were a couple comments about J that we didn’t read this time. We’re going to be addressing them in a separate video.’

Pitch black screen.

‘Thanks for watching!’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes.
> 
> Also, I love seeing you all interact in the comments below! Feel free to comment on other people's comments! Get a conversation started!


	11. Our Gingerbread Village

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our Gingerbread Village
> 
> Thumbnail: Stephanie, Tim, Cassandra, Damian, and Dick are all sitting at a table, boxes of gingerbread houses in front of each one with various candies and decorating supplies spread out in front of them.
> 
> Posted on December 15, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to get a better idea of their gingerbread house layouts, [this](https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/10QepkdY2LsKUIg7BMVt1oi_423E0Zc8Y?usp=sharing) is how I kept track of them. Nothing super fancy, mostly just shapes.
> 
> BEWARE: J's house is a bit... bloody.

Stephanie, Tim, Cassandra, Damian and Dick all sit at the table in the kitchen. Each has a gingerbread kit of a standard gingerbread house in front of them along with jars of white frosting and bowls of various candies and snacks.

“So, who wants to intro?” Dick casually asks, looking down the line.

“You’re editing it, so you should do the intro,” Tim looks around Cass and Damian to Dick.

“It’s _because_ I’m editing that I _shouldn’t_ ,” he smirks.

“That-” Tim begins.

“Gingerbread houses!” Stephanie exclaims, arms thrown out to the side and leaning in front of Tim. “I don’t know about you, but it’s been awhile since I’ve made a gingerbread house. How about you, Cass?”

“Steph!” Tim complains, pushing her back into her seat and out of his personal space. Cass giggles and makes a hand motion reminiscent of a karate chop.

“Never, huh? Yeah, it’s been a few years for me too. And Dami here,” Dick slings his arm around Damian and pulls him into his side, “has never made a gingerbread house either. We’ve never really had a chance to in the past couple years.”

Damian squirms in Dick’s side hug, the older man releasing him seconds later. The kid lets out an annoyed tut and sulks in his seat.

“Sooo, we’re each creating our own gingerbread houses, thus making a gingerbread village when we’re done! Now, as you can see,” Dick gestures to the spread in front of them, “we all have the same access to tools and materials-”

“You’re making it sound like this is a competition,” comes J’s rougher voice from off screen.

Damian seems to perk up at the words, “Competition?”

Dick looks somewhere off-screen near the camera, “No! No, no, no,” he looks down at Damian, “This is _not_ a competition. This is a fun, family activity.”

“Who said family activities can’t be competitive?” Steph asks, already unboxing her gingerbread house. Cass follows her lead.

Tim groans, unboxing his house as well, “We all know the little Demon is going to win if this is a competition. None of us stand a chance with his creative skill.”

Damian’s head quickly snaps in Tim’s direction, eyes narrow and suspicious.

“You did photography or somethin’, right, Tiny Tim? Don't count yourself out yet, that takes _some_ level of creativity,” J tells him.

“Not tiny,” Tim grumbles as he gently lifts his pre-assembled house out and places it on the tinfoil wrapped cookie sheet underneath, “Since this might take awhile, we’ll probably either speed it up or cut back in periodically to show you our progress, right, editor?”

“Got it!”

* * *

‘5 Minutes In’ is written at the bottom of the screen.

Dick is spreading white frosting onto his tray, house situated right in the middle of it. Damian is carefully moving his house around, scrutinizing it from every angle. Cassandra has placed her house in the back middle of her cookie sheet, and is securing it with icing. Tim’s house is sitting in the middle at the rightmost edge of his tray and like Dick, is spreading his white frosting around his house. Stephanie however, is browsing her phone.

“Oh my god!” Steph suddenly shouts in excitement, startling everyone. There is a censor beep, followed by Tim nearly taking out his house with a butter knife and Cass squeezing a little too much icing onto the bottom of her house. Damian accidentally crushes his house between his hands, and Dick gets frosting in the kid’s hair.

Damian angrily whips to face the blonde and snarl, “Brown!”.

“Look! Someone made a house out of Belgian waffles! _Belgian waffles_!” She says, shoving her phone an inch from Tim’s face. Cass peers around his shoulder to look. Damian looks one step away from taking a leap and harming Steph with the butter knife clutched in his hand.

Dick sighs and reaches under the table, “This is why we get extras,” he pulls out another gingerbread house kit and sets in in front of Damian.

* * *

‘20 Minutes In’

From what can be seen, Dick has three trees in the back of his house and it looks like he is working on another, slathering green frosting on a sugar cone before decorating it in small decorative candies. There is a mound of frosting off to the left.

Damian looks to be working on his snowy yard with an angled spatula, his house set up in the middle of his cookie sheet like Dick’s, but closer to him.

Cassandra is doing something in front of her house with cocoa powder that cannot be seen, her cookie sheet covered in white frosting.

Meanwhile, Tim is unwrapping a chocolate bar and Steph is carefully spreading white frosting on her rooftop.

Dick glances at his siblings for a moment, taking in what each of them is doing.

“That’s a neat idea, Cass. Using cocoa powder as a pathway. Mind if I borrow your idea?” Dick smiles charmingly at his sister. She simply smiles and nods at him before pointing at the tree in his hands.

“Go for it. I can’t wait to see how you decorate your trees.”

Dick looks offscreen, then looks at Damian before doing a double take, “J…? What’re you doing…?” Four other heads glance up and off screen.

“I’m fixing a car. What does it look like I’m doing, Dickhead?’

Steph looks like she’s struggling to hold back a laugh at whatever J is doing. Tim doesn’t appear surprised and goes back to unwrapping a second chocolate bar. Cass has her head tilted to the side, observing what J is doing. Damian sneered at J, presumably, before returning to his task. Dick’s brow furrows and he presses his lips together, head tilting slightly, “I thought you were building a gingerbread house,” he sounds mildly concerned, “but that’s a lot of red to be going on the roof of one.”

“Hey, I’m not judging you and your aesthetic, you don’t get to judge mine,” J replies gruffly.

* * *

‘35 Minutes In’

Stephanie has decorated her roof with various candies and is working on the house’s sides. Tim and Cass also appear to be working on the sides of their houses as well.

Damian is using an angled spatula to frost the sides of his house, placing hot tamales candy on the sides.

Dick now has a small forest of trees in his backyard and now works on frosting his roof.

* * *

‘52 Minutes In’

‘Music Muted’

‘Jingle Bell Rock’

Dick and Steph are happily dancing to unheard music, blocking Tim, Cassandra and Damian where they are working at the table.

* * *

‘55 Minutes In’

‘Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies’

Cas performs ballet moves to the music while Steph and Dick try, and fail, to mimic her. Cassandra continues to move about the limited space gracefully for the next two minutes as Dick trips over the foot of a stool and Stephanie trips over him. Tim and Damian both wince at the crash, but don’t get up to help.

* * *

‘78 Minutes In’

“And… done,” J says from off screen. The youngest four look over quickly, while Dick glances over with more trepidation. His jaw quickly falls open.

“J! What did you- Why?!” Dick cries, deflating in his seat. Cass frowns at the off-screen house.

"Surely even you can do better than that bloody mess," Damian states.

"Oh, but you haven’t even seen the best part yet," J replies.

Tim’s eyes widen slightly at whatever J shows them, but Stephanie holds back a snort of laughter behind a hand.

Damian tuts, “Deplorable,” before resuming the work on his house.

Tim pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, sounding very put upon, “Why are you like this?”

“You mean charming and intelligent?” J replies cockily.

“He means deranged and psychotic,” Damian sniffs, intently focused on decorating the roof of his house.

* * *

‘134 Minutes In’

Stephanie and Cass are no longer sitting at the table, their gingerbread houses blurred out. Tim is making something out of marshmallows while Damian is putting the finishing touches on the roof of his house. Damian’s face is stained red in some places while Tim seems to be lightly dusted in cocoa powder. Dick has smudges of green frosting here and there on his face and is… dumping multi-colored sprinkles around his house.

“Status update,” J calls in a bored tone.

Dick sets his sprinkles down and reaches into a bag of opened marshmallows, “Once I make my snowmen I’ll be done.”

“I’d say I’m seventy-five percent done,” Tim holds his marshmallow creation up for the camera to see. Zooming in, it looks like an igloo. He proudly sets it down into the frosting with a pleased smile.

“Judging from Damian only now finishing his house, I can assume he isn’t close to done,” J comments, the camera zooming in on him.

The back of his house has s door outlined in icing, as well as a small circular window up top. The rest of the back is covered in hot tamales, making the house look as if it were made of brick. There is dried, white frosting in his hair and his face is stained red from something unknown. His concentration can be seen in his intense gaze and the hint of a tongue just barely poking out of the corner of his mouth.

* * *

‘167 Minutes In’

Tim is painstakingly cementing a small pretzel to his board with icing, a bit of his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Damian is assembling something behind the house and out of sight.

“And… done!” Tim declared, throwing his hands up in the air.

“About time. Thirteen minutes more and we’re calling it, Demon,” J grumbles as Damian’s head shoots up, “How _I_ was the one roped into babysitting, I have no idea.”

“Only thirteen?! I require more time than that!” Damian demands.

“Three hours should be more than enough time to start and finish your house. I mean, look at mine! I finished it in a little over an hour,” J replies.

Damian opens his mouth to say something, but is cut off before he can begin, “Woah! Hey, hey, hey. There’s no reason to argue. Do you need any help, Little D?” Dick calls from off-screen. Tim grabs one of the marshmallow bags and walks off.

Damian’s mouth screws up to the side but grumbles, “Trees.”

“Alright!”

* * *

‘180 Minutes In’

‘Time’s Up!’

Stephanie, Tim, Cassandra, and Damian are all seated at the table once again.

“Okay, guys! Time for the gingerbread house tours!” Dick cheers from off-screen. The screen shakes a little before it moves towards Steph.

“You’re up first, Steph!”

“Okay!” Steph takes the camera and aims it at her house. She gives an aerial view of her board.

“As you can see, I have a nice river off to the left here made of blue frosting. I made a path from cocoa powder to the main path and lined it with peppermint sticks. Now, my main path has little peppermint round as stepping stones and is also lined with peppermint sticks.”

The camera shifts to show the front of her house, “I decided to frame the door with more peppermint sticks and put one of those little bead candy things as a doorknob. You can see the two front windows outlined with frosting, which let me tell you, was pretty hard to do. But not as hard as this wreath above the door. I made it out of a peppermint round and these little leaves that came with the house. And these strings of lights are made out of icing and jellybeans!”

She slowly circles the house giving close-ups of it, “My icing windows with curtains, ny back door that leads to nowhere, more wreaths and lights, my other set of windows, and then there’s my roof!”

The roof of her house suddenly jumps into frame. It is beautifully decorated with icing, gumdrops, and various other candies.

“Isn’t it beautiful?! Oh, and then we have the crowning gem of this masterpiece!”

The view shifts to show three snowmen, each made of two normal sized marshmallows, surrounding a larger snowman made of two giant marshmallows. Damian is heard making a tutting sound.

“Be nice,” Cass’ soft voice states.

“Yeah, not all of us have the patience to transform their gingerbread house into a brick one,” Steph voices.

“I did not-,” Damian makes a frustrated noise, “nevermind.”

“Okay, Steph. Pass the camera here,” Tim says.

“Alright, alright.” Tim’s house is now the center of attention.

“I decided to put a fence up around the grounds of my house with the pretzels. I have a pond back here, with two snowmen ice-fishing in this whole here.”

In the back right corner of Tim’s board is a light blue pond with two snowmen made of marshmallows sitting on it. There is a white, six pointed star in between the two. There are two, green, sugar cone trees covered in green frosting and tastefully decorated with candies next to the pond, along with two candy bushes.

“In the back left here, I made a little igloo out of marshmallows. It took a lot of finagling, but I think it turned out pretty well.”

He turns so the back of the house is now in view, “Just a simple back of the house, door and windows outlined in icing. A back porch made out of a chocolate bar. Oh, I forgot to mention the cocoa powdered path leading from the pond to the porch. You can see it pretty well here. The sides are the same as the back, just windows outlined in icing, except I added in some icing curtains. The roof-”

“What are you doing?” J asks from off-screen.

“Me?”

“No, not you. Dickhead over there.” The camera flies up and catches a too close-up of Dick biting into something. Tim zooms out and Dick stares at the camera like a deer in headlights, slowly chewing.

“...Is that a graham cracker sandwich with frosting?” Steph inquires.

Dick swallows and waves the sandwich at the camera, “Yep! Hey, don’t make that face, J! Don’t knock it ‘till you try it.”

“Oh my god,” J groans, “I’m embarrassed to know you.”

“Pass me the tree frosting, Cass?” Steph asks. The camera flips to the two of them.

“You too?” Tim asks.

“Hey, it sounds good. Chocolate frosting sounds like it would taste better though,” Steph takes the frosting from Cass and starts spreading it on half a graham cracker.

“Could we please continue this. There are things I have to do today.” Damian pipes up.

“You’re just upset that you couldn’t finish in time,” J comments.

“So, the roof,” Tim’s roof fills the screen again, “I tried to make it look like there are icicles coming off the eaves of the roof and just gave the roof itself a simple design. Now, the front of the house.”

The front of the house has a chocolate bar walkway leading up to it with three decorated trees on either side of it. The front of the house itself is elegantly decorated in very festive colors.

“Umm~ This _is_ good! Chocolate frosting would totally be better though!” Steph pipes up.

“Why am I your friend again?"

"Because I am fabulous, duh."

"Oh, you’re right, Cass. I forgot to mention the snow angels. I have three snow angels over here in the front yard. You want to show off your house, Cass?”

The camera is passed along to Cassandra, who shows off the front of her house. It’s a simple design, just outlining the door and windows like Tim. There is a cocoa powder path leading to the edge of the board and there are three decorated trees on either side of the house. Most prominently, there are nine snowmen lined up in front of the house. One of them has yellow drawn on hair, another red. One of the snowmen looks like their balding. The rest all have black hair. The roof of the house is covered in multicolored sprinkles.

“Dami?” she asked.

“Oh, yes. Of course. Thank you, Cain.” Damian replied, taking the camera.

“I was unfortunately not given enough time to finish, but I completed what I could in the time given.”

The house itself is astonishing. Damian had covered the sides in frosting before laying in hot tamales on them, giving the house a brick look. The door is a piece of a graham cracker decorated with red swirls and curls. There is a window above the door, two rectangular wafers acting as shutters. The sides and back are similarly decorated. The wide pathway leading up to the front door is made from cereal with candy bushes lining each side. Beyond those bushes, are three trees on either side, hints of white on them here and there as if to represent snow. The front of the house also has a fence of pretzel sticks on either side of the trees.

“That’s _amazing_ , Little D!” Dick exclaims.

Damian sniffs, “It’s alright. I wanted to put a barn in the back here,” he moves to show the back of the house, “but I didn’t have enough time.”

“You can always add onto it later,” Tim suggested.

In the back left corner of his tray, there is a blue pond with nine goldfish of various colors placed in it and three trees blocking it from frontal view. Connecting the pond to the back of the house is a cocoa powder trail, which also leads to a pretzel bench in the far right corner surrounded by trees.

“Perhaps. We shall have to see,” Damian replies. A second later, Damian releases a very wet sounding cough.

“Damian?! Are you alright?” comes Dick’s concerned voice.

“It is nothing, Grayson.”

“That didn’t sound like nothing, brat,” J adds.

“Here, Grayson. Finish up this stupid video,” Damian huffs. The view shifts from Damian’s house to the table briefly, before it is aligned Dick’s colorful house.

“After we’re done with this, you’re going to a doctor,” Dick said firmly.

“I do not require a doctor, Grayson.”

“We’ll see what Bruce and Alfred have to say about that,” Dick stated. Damian huffed his displeasure.

“Anyway, my house. Surrounding area first. I have my little pond up here with Bruce and Alfred sitting by it,” he shows a blue pond off to the right with two marshmallow men by it. One has black marker hair on top with a grumpy face and the other has marker around the sides with a calm expression.

He moves further back, showcasing the rainbow sprinkles all over the snow and a lump of frosting, “And in the back we have our sledding hill with Dami and I sledding on this pretzel sled I made.” There are indeed two marshmallow people on a crudely made pretzel sled. While they both have black marker hair, it is obvious that the one level marshmallow person is Damian. Not just because it is smaller than the others, but because of the little grumpy face it has. The one behind it has a large smiling face drawn on it. A third snow person sits nearby with long, red hair drawn on.

“Babs is sitting over there watching us. Across the way in the back left, we have our forest. I have Cass, Steph, and Timmy playing hide and seek over here.”

There is a snow person with long blonde hair poking out from behind a tree with a huge smile, two black haired snow people with small, but no less happy, smiles are approaching it, both with black hair. Each tree has a different decoration and color scheme.

“Moving on-” as Dick is moving to show his gingerbread house, something can very briefly be seen on the board in the left lower corner of the screen hiding behind a different tree than the blonde snow person.

“-there are three more trees in the front here to accompany the six that make up the forest. We have my peppermints making a path up to the house and, I’m not sure if you can see it, but I do have a cocoa powder path leading over to the pond from the lake. I accidentally covered it up with my sprinkles.”

“I have gum drops up on the top of my roof, and I decorated the sides with some strands of licorice,” the red licorice is laid out in a grid pattern on top of the white roof.

“I also outlined the doors and windows in strands of licorice. Oh! And I made these cute little wreaths like Steph did. That’s pretty much the end of my gingerbread tour. We _would_ show J’s, but we’re trying to keep this channel family friendly.”

“I heard Damian was sick?” comes Bruce Wayne’s voice out of nowhere. The camera pans up to show a worried looking father standing in the entryway.

“I am not ill, father. I am perfectly-” Damian cuts himself off with another wet cough.

“Yeah, perfectly healthy,” J drawls. Bruce sighs and crosses one arm over his chest, the other pinching at the bridge of his nose.

* * *

A black screen.

A white text appears saying, “Damian’s sick. He has the flu. :-(”

Black screen.

A few seconds later, “It’s not severe, so that’s good. Apparently it was going around in his school. Don’t worry though! I’m sure he’ll be back to his usual self in no time!”

Blank screen.

“Thanks for watching!”

Black screen.

“By the way, which house did you like best? Leave it in the comments below!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damian is me making gingerbread houses. Not necessarily that detailed, although I should try some of that this year, but how long it takes me. I think I spent four hours on last year's.
> 
> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> So go check out the next story in this series is you want to see your favorite Gotham vigilantes messing with eachother publicly!
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes.
> 
> Also, I love seeing you all interact in the comments below! Feel free to comment on other people's comments! Get a conversation started!
> 
> By the way, we're getting close to the end of 2019 in this story. Do you want the 2020 of this story to be like Real Life 2020? Or would you prefer something less... real 2020? If you have an opinion, let me hear it in the comments!


	12. Damian's Interesting Sick Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damian’s Interesting Sick Day
> 
> Thumbnail: Damian is squatting outside in his pajamas, looking at something in the snow as a black great dane waits patiently inside.
> 
> Posted on December 18, 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: It has come to my notice that some of you may not be aware that there is a second channel in this series called, "Vigilante Life". It's the next story in this series that is run by Red Hood (for now) and runs simultaneously to this one. If you're interested in seeing both sides of the characters in this universe, go give it a look!

Damian is curled up on a couch, huddled under a fluffy, Superman comforter. A large, black, great dane is laying on the boy’s feet while a black and white cat lays on Damian’s stomach. A glass coffee table is flush with the couch. It has a glass of water, an empty bowl and spoon, a phone, two remotes, a tissue box, an empty gallon sized ice cream bucket, a pencil case, and a sketchbook on it. There is a second couch off to the side, a lamp standing next to it. The entryway to the room is behind the couch Damian is laying on. Damian is staring off-screen where voices are coming from, mostly likely a television. It seems as though he isn’t aware of the camera.

Damian lets out an agitated growl, scooping up one of the remotes next to him and pointing it off-screen. The noise stops. He huffs and sets the remote back in it’s spot. He looks down at the cat on his stomach.

Damian gently pets the cat, “You’re lucky, Alfred. You can’t get the stupid flu.”

The cat stands up and stretches, Damian’s hand retracting from it. The cat, apparently named Alfred, walks up Damian’s torso and settles into the pillow next to his head. It licks the side of the kid’s head and Damian scratches at it’s head in turn.

“Thank you. I’ll make sure to rest as well.”

* * *

Damian is asleep on the couch, the dog still at his feet and the cat near his head. Everything is the same except that the empty bowl on the table is gone. Suddenly, there is a thud, as if a tennis ball hit a window. The dog's ears instantly perk up and it leaps from the couch, barking. Damian sits up in a flash, the cat ignoring all the noise.

“Titus!” Damian rebukes, followed by a cough, “What is all the ruckus? Do you need to go out? You know how to ask for outside.”

The angle changes. Suddenly, Titus can be seen at a large sliding glass door with a side table near it, a 75in. T.V. a little ways away from the door. The dog lowers its head to the floor, it’s beehind in the air, and continues barking at the sliding glass door.

“Titus!” Damian firmly states, appearing next to the dog in flannel Nightwing pajamas.

“What are you…” he trails off, something outside the door catching his eye. He hesitantly places his right hand on the glass, the other resting on Titus’ head. The dog quiets at the hand.

“Titus. Find Pennyworth,” Damian tells the dog, pulling his hand away. The large dog barrels out of the room. After making sure the dog is gone, Damian stands in front of a box to the right of the door. A few seconds later, he’s bending down where the door slides open, pulling something up before flipping the lock on the handle. He tugs the door open and shivers.

“Stupid Gotham cold,” he grumbles, stepping outside barefoot. He’s squatting over something, but the thing cannot be made out. After half a minute of staring, he stands and rushes back inside. The view switches once again to show the couch and the entryway to the room. Damian snatches the phone off the coffee table and starts tapping away at it. Damian looks back to where the glass door is and does a double take.

The boy drops his phone on the floor and dashes back to the door, shouting, “Alfred, no!”

He appears again seconds later, cradling the black and white cat in his arms.

“You are not allowed in here until further notice, understand, Alfred?” the kid says as he sets the cat down outside of the room he is in. Alfred gives him a meow before strutting away.

“Thank you,” Damian turns around and marches back over to the couch, a cough making its way out of him. He scoops his phone off the floor and resumes tapping at it, walking back over to the door. The view again switches to show the door. He stares at his phone for a minute before Titus saunters back into the room and sits at Damian’s feet, tail wagging and tongue panting.

“My word, why in the world is the door open, Master Damian? You will only grow more ill in the cold,” a British voice calls. Alfred Pennyworth’s back can be seen as he steps further into the room. Damian turns around, brow pinched and eyes wide with worry.

First, he addresses the dog, giving him a scratch on the head, “Good job, Titus.”

Damian hurriedly rushes up to Alfred the butler, takes one of his white gloved hands in one of his own, and leads the man to the door.

“Oh, dear,” Mr. Pennyworth softly exclaims, bending to get a better look.

“I suddenly heard a sound and then Titus started barking. I came to check what it was, and I found it lying there. It’s breathing, but it looks like it might have hurt it’s wing” Damian explains. Alfred hums in thought.

“Will it live?” Damian asks in a small voice.

Alfred stands, “We will not know unless we try, correct?” He gives the child a small smile.

* * *

Damian is on the floor, curled up in the Superman comforter with a pillow near a fireplace. There is a small shoebox with holes poked into it next to him. Bruce Wayne appears on screen seconds later in a black business suit. He walks up to Damian and kneels down beside him.

He runs a hand through his boy’s hair, “Damian. Damian. Can you wake up for me, kiddo?”

Damian shuffles slightly under his blanket, “Father?”

“That’s right, kiddo. It’s me.”

“I thought you were at work?”

“I was, but I managed to get off early to spend some time with you. Alfred mentioned you wanted to show me something?”

Damian shoots up at those words, nearly hitting Bruce in the face with his head. He goes to open the box but pauses, visibly calming himself. He scooches closer to the box and Bruce follows.

“A bird flew into the door earlier and I’ve been keeping an eye on it. It’s awake and breathing, but I think it’s wing is broken.”

Bruce places a hand on his son’s back, “Can I see?”

Damian’s mouth twists in thought, “Yes, but you have to be quiet. You can’t touch it either.”

Damian slowly lifts the top of the box with both hands and the two peer inside.

“Have you called the vet?” Bruce asks. Damian’s shoulders slump.

“Yes. They recommended bringing it in for euthanization,” he stated, the barest hint of a tremble in his voice. Bruce’s large hand ran up and down Damian’s back.

“There is no wildlife rehabilitation center in Gotham either, I checked,” Damian continues, placing the lid back on the box.

“Hm. How about the zoo?” Bruce suggests. Damian’s head peers up to look at his father with suspicion.

“The zoo?”

“If I recall correctly, they have some songbirds there. Perhaps they’ll be able to heal it?”

Damian’s face visibly brightens at the thought, an actual smile appearing, “Really?”

“I’m not one hundred percent sure, so don’t get your hopes too high, alright Damian? I’ll give them a call and see. In the meantime…” Bruce scoops Damian and his blanket up before standing, the boy letting out a squawk of protest.

“Father!” Damian complains loudly, followed by a coughing fit.

Bruce chuckles, “Aren’t we supposed to be quiet around the bird? Besides, you’re supposed to be resting. You’re still not at full health yet, bud.”

Damian pouts in his father’s arms as he feels the boy’s forehead with his palm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: We're getting close to the end of 2019 in this story. Do you want the 2020 of this story to be like Real Life 2020? Or would you prefer something less... real 2020? If you have an opinion, let me hear it in the comments!
> 
> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes.
> 
> Also, I love seeing you all interact in the comments below! Feel free to comment on other people's comments! Get a conversation started!


	13. No Video Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No Comment Video Today
> 
> Thumbnail: A black background with the words, "No Video Today" written in white.
> 
> Posted on: December 21st, 2019

It looks like the inside of a well lit and homey barn. There is a brown and white cow, a brown splotch over its eyes, gnawing on hay from a large pile in the back right corner, a turkey pecking at the pile of hay at the cow's feet.

"Jerry, how many times have we been over this? Your food is in your bowl," comes Damian's exasperated voice. The turkey looks to the left and gobbles before turning back to the hay to resume pecking at it.

"I do not _care_ if Bat Cow's hay is tastier, it isn't recommended for you to consume," Damian marches over to the turkey from offscreen near the camera, hands on his hips. He is wearing a grey hoodie with bright red overall snow pants, black winter boots on his feet. The cow stops chewing and gazes languidly at Damian, a bit of hay hanging out of its mouth. The turkey straightens, ruffles its feathers, and clucks up at the boy. Damian huffs at the bird before bending down and hugging the turkey to his torso. He stands with the turkey and it can be seen that he has both arms around the chest of the bird, restraining and supporting the wings and back. The boy marches a few feet away to a beige feeding pan.

"Your food is _here_ , Jerry," he sets the bird down, "Eat your mixed nuts and berries and leave Bat Cow alone." Straightening, it can be seen hat his hoodie has words written on it. STINK is written in red, STANK in green, and STUNK in red again. There are snowflakes dotted around and what might be the silhouette of a hairy green man with his hands on his hips.

The turkey looks back at Damian, triling at him. Damian places his hands on his hips and stares down the turkey. The turkey turns away and pecks at the food in the pan.

"Good boy, Jerry," Damian tells the turkey, smiling down at it.

The cow moos and he turns around to face it, "And _you_ are a very good girl, Bat Cow. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to address the masses before I begin cleaning."

He turns and steps closer to the camera, no emotion on his face, "Since I am still recovering from _illness_ ," he borderline spits the word, "and am unable to assist in preparations for the annual Christmas Eve charity ball, I have been given the unpleasant task of making a video to address you all and pass along the message that there will be no video today. We are all extremely busy with the aforementioned preparations today, so there will be no video reading comments as per usual. That is all."

Damian marches forward and gets real close to the camera, "Now how do I turn this off?"

The sound of a door suddenly slamming open, " _There_ you are, Little D! What are you doing in here?! You're _supposed_ to be resting on the couch," comes Dick Grayson's voice.

A mildly annoyed look suddenly consumes Damian's previously blank face as his head whips to the left, "*Beep* it."

"Damian!" Dick sounds scandalized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION: As of right now, we are going to have a less 2020 2020 in this story. Would you like no pandemic period, or significantly less pandemic? Like, only one-two months.
> 
> I tagged this story as Interactive, meaning I want you all to interact with the story. If you want to, that is. You're the audience viewing these "videos". This story is essentially the Wayne family's MeTube channel. Along with Vigilante Life being another "channel" in this universe.
> 
> Pretend that you live in the same world as heroes, villains, and vigilantes. The DC realm, essentially. I hope you'll have as much fun with this as I plan to!
> 
> "Comments" will be treated as video comments, unless they are directed at me. "Kudos" are likes.
> 
> Also, I love seeing you all interact in the comments below! Feel free to comment on other people's comments! Get a conversation started!
> 
> 4 "VIDEOS" LEFT UNTIL NEXT COMMENT VIDEO.


End file.
